Archer Coaching

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Archive for category Appreciation

My Path to Coaching and My Approach

Feb 11

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, balance, business, change, clarity, Coaching, Coaching Week, Communications, difference, Dreaming, education, experience, Making an impact, Path, Purpose | No Comments

In honor of International Coaching Week, February 6 through 12, I am posting a series of short articles about coaching.

Day 6: My Path to Coaching and My Approach

My path to becoming a coach was rather roundabout. I have an established career as a professional book copy editor, and for a while I had my own direct sales business as well. After a particularly grueling quarter with some difficult projects and a lot of extra work, I was exhausted and extremely frustrated. I felt like I was doing the same old thing over and over! I started thinking about what I really wanted, and I began to realize that I wanted my work to make a difference in the world and have an impact in people’s lives. I was getting tempting little tastes of it here and there, and I decided to ramp that up! The only problem was, I wasn’t sure what path would allow me to do that. Should I find a job somewhere? Go back to school? Try something entirely different? At that point “keep doing what I’m doing” was not an attractive option!

In what turned out to be a life-changing meeting, I attended the national conference for my sales company and met a wonderful trainer. I was struck by her enthusiasm and creative ideas, so I made a point of going up to her and asking point-blank if there was any way I could work for her! She said, “I need coaches with your sales experience” (to coach other direct sellers). Ding ding ding! The more I thought over this option, the more appealing it became. I could use my communication skills, combine them with my desire to work with people, and really help clients transform their lives for the better!

My new mentor insisted I take an ICF-accredited coach training course, and I’m so glad I did! I learned the foundation of true coaching: supporting the client to unlock his or her own genius! I’ve been able to work as a coach since 2007, and immediately loved it. In 2008 I started Archer Coaching, my own coaching practice, for working with professionals to create a meaningful career and a balanced life. In 2010, I earned my Associate Certified Coach credential from the International Coach Federation and began working with Roving Coach to offer coaching in corporations.

My approach to coaching is simple: I believe the client is whole, resourceful, and wise. My job is to help unleash a client’s inner genius by asking the right questions, providing a new viewpoint, and supporting him or her on the path to achievement. I am constantly amazed at what people can create, and how they make things happen in their lives. It’s an honor and a privilege to be a part of that. Coaching as a career is an excellent fit for my natural enthusiasm, optimism, curiosity, and desire to learn.

Tomorrow: What Does Archer Coaching Offer?

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Goodness Gracious

Oct 17

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, change, Creativity, education, experience, failure, food, openness, reality TV, resistance | 1 Comment

My friends (and long-suffering husband) know that I have a guilty pleasure of watching reality TV competitions (Project Runway, Top Model, Top Chef, etc.). I just love to see what people do creatively! Frequently, I learn something about human nature by watching these shows, and I occasionally include a lesson learned here on my blog. Today’s lesson: being gracious in defeat or failure.

On Hell’s Kitchen, the teams of chefs are usually given a short challenge at the beginning of the episode. One team wins, and the other team loses. Unlike most other reality shows, Chef Gordon Ramsay not only rewards the winners but also punishes the losers, usually with a menial task such as cleaning the restaurant or peeling a thousand pounds of potatoes. On most reality shows, “losers” might whine and pout about not winning (some end up holding a grudge about it). On Hell’s Kitchen, the “losers” gripe, complain, moan, blame each other for losing, and sometimes refuse to work. You often hear the phrase “I am not here to clean! I am a chef!” or even “I have people to do this!” I get the very clear impression that these chefs, as talented and skilled as they are, truly feel they are “above” the tasks they are asked to do. (One chef even dodges doing kitchen prep work, saying that Ramsay is not looking for a great prep chef.)

I sometimes just want to shake these contestants and say, “You can’t win every time! Where’s your humility? Take your lumps, handle it with grace, and grow from this experience!” The tasks they are given, while not always related to cooking, do relate to what is involved with running a restaurant, which is the ultimate reward the winner will be given. Having respect for what the maitre d’ and the wait staff and cleaning crew do is critical to building a good team for a successful restaurant.

These thoughts were oddly brought into focus at a high school reunion I attended recently (my husband’s class; we graduated from the same school). At the magnet high school we attended, a graduation requirement was to work three hours every week, unpaid, at the school. Incoming students were required to spend a semester working those hours either in the cafeteria or on the grounds. Let me tell you, this kind of work will teach you that you are not “above” anything. It will teach you respect for the people who do these jobs all day long, and not just for a measly three hours a week.

We all learn from failure, punishment, and situations in which we don’t get what we want. As a coach, my job is to help people get what they want (as long as it is within their control!), but as a human being, I know it simply isn’t possible 100% of the time, especially if one is in direct competition with another. So I encourage others (and myself!) to see where the growth opportunities are, even if you “lose.” Suddenly, losing isn’t so bad.

What have you learned from losing? Who have you become because of it?

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A Lesson on Enjoying the Moment

Oct 3

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, blessing, clarity, Dreaming, joy, planning, time | No Comments

When I was seven, my parents announced we were all going to Disney World in about two months’ time. I immediately pulled out a bag and began to pack.

I’m a planner! I’ve always been fairly good at tracking steadily toward a future goal or event. I rather like handling details one at a time until something is completed. It’s satisfying! I have online and paper calendars, lists, and reminders for all my tasks; all my friends know I am extremely prompt and often early when meeting them.

Ten years ago, I married my husband, a wonderful man who is very much the opposite when it comes to time. He lives in the moment. He doesn’t use a planner (except for work), rarely makes a list (unless for groceries), frequently runs a few minutes late, and doesn’t wear a watch. For a while, I thought this would be a real problem between us, but it turns out to be great. We make a great team, and he’s an excellent reminder for me to slow down and enjoy.

I recently had an absolutely wonderful reminder of how to enjoy a moment and treasure it. I am 18 weeks pregnant with our first child (a daughter), something I have longed for and tried to make happen for several years now. A few weeks ago I decided to hit one of the massive local consignment sales for kid and baby stuff. Pregnant moms get in a day early to get best pick! I had a short list of things I was willing to buy, if I found them in good condition and at a good price.

I showed up, got my wrist band, and started browsing. I was very quickly overwhelmed with the amount of stuff that was there. I did see pretty much everything on my list, but I was reluctant to grab it and buy it. I took a break and sat on a bench to think. That’s when I realized: I’m not ready for this phase yet.

I have so enjoyed just being pregnant and enjoying my dreams for what the future will be like! I’ve had a fairly easy time of it so far (no sickness at all), and aside from cleaning out the house to make room for the child, I haven’t had to do any prep work yet (I haven’t registered yet). I realized at that moment on the bench that I wasn’t ready to let go of that phase. I’m nearly halfway through–we just found out the baby’s sex and I’m starting to feel her move around in there. The rest of this pregnancy will go so fast, and we’ll have to make lists of what we need, shop, plan, work… and there is still time for that. There’s no need for me to rush into it yet.

So I went home without buying anything, with a big smile on my face. I can’t think of when I’ve been happier.

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Balanced by Relationships

May 24

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, balance, blessing, choice, difference, joy, love, openness, relationship, Uncategorized | No Comments

I have blogged about life balance before, and I give presentations on that topic as well. I also spend time thinking about how my relationships with various people provide a supportive balance to me as a person.

Most of my friends have heard me wax poetic about how my darling husband is very different from me — in a way that I appreciate, because I feel it makes us a good team. He’s very relaxed and laid-back and thinks in terms of the big picture. I’m assertive, a go-getter, and detail-oriented. He lives in the moment, I tend to pace toward the future. He tends to think things through very carefully, sometimes taking a long time to make a decision. I tend to be rather impulsive and impatient! We have been together 15 years now, and I have come to love these differences. Just by being himself, he helps me relax and enjoy things as they are. We have many things in common, but the differences keep it interesting. I started to respect, honor, and cherish our differences when I went through coach training and began to perceive things differently.

My sister is another case in point. We are only 14 months apart in age, and we couldn’t be more different. We inverted most of the standard older child/younger child dynamics (she’s younger, but was much bolder than I was). We have dealt with common issues in our family, of course, but beyond that we are extremely different. We fought like cats and dogs growing up, of course, and we could never live in the same house again without maiming each other (if the last time we tried that is any indication). Over the years, I have come to truly value our differences, as she gives me a totally unique perspective on things. If we had met as strangers, I don’t know if we would have become friends — the differences would have made it seem as if we had nothing in common. As sisters, our relationship is all over the place, in a good way! We are starting to discover the things that we do have in common now.

My book group, of which I have been a member for 15 years, is another great example. We have a wide range of women in the group — some are mothers, some are grandmothers, some have never had kids. We have marrieds, divorceds, and never marrieds. Some young, some older, some in between. A variety of hobbies and careers are represented. The discussion is always lively. Heated disagreements, loud laughter, and a lot of thinking and interpreting. It’s a monthly discussion that really challenges and stimulates me because of all the differences in perception.

Enough about me! What relationships balance you? Whom do you love because of (not in spite of) your differences?

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Making Space

May 18

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, balance, blessing, change, choice, clarity, Coaching, Creativity, Mindfulness, Path, planning, Powerful questions, time, Uncategorized | No Comments

When there is something big you want to create in your life, how do you make room for it? If you want to start your own business, get married, travel a lot, have children, start a new hobby, and so on, how do you create space for it? I’m talking beyond just wedging it into your calendar, saving money, or clearing out a corner of your home.

I’ll give a personal example. For a long time, I’ve held space in my heart and in my dreams for motherhood. In talking with my husband about having a child, he asked a great question: “How will we have a kid when we’re so busy as it is? How will we fit it in?” I realized then that something that large and life-changing doesn’t just get “penciled in” to our existing life. We must create space for it, giving up certain things and changing others so that we might be healthy, whole, and ready.

So I began paring down my responsibilities, specifically by deciding not to step up for officer roles in various professional organizations I belong to. I did some reading about fertility, learned how to chart, started taking prenatal vitamins, and tried to eat better and exercise more. I had some appointments with my doctors to deal with various issues I was concerned with. I put some money in a savings account to use during maternity leave.

I’m going through a similar process of making choices with my business right now. I am evaluating my commitments and side projects, winnowing some down so I can focus on my core interests and my best work. It’s a little bittersweet at times, saying goodbye to something that was fun but no longer moves me in the direction I want to go. But it opens new doors of opportunity, and that’s quite exciting to me!

I’ve blogged before about setting a goal and making sure it is SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timed). Coaching is a way to help people set goals, figure out a plan, and track toward achieving it. Making space is a critical step that might get overlooked by some. We can’t keep cramming our lives full of stuff to do without occasionally weeding some things out and changing others.

What do you do to make space? What do you make space for?

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The Gentle Art of Receiving

Apr 18

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, blessing, clarity, joy, Mindfulness, openness, receiving, Uncategorized | No Comments

I’m a giver and a go-getter, and I bet most of you are, too. I work hard for what I want, and I give a lot to others. I sometimes struggle with receiving, and I know I’m not the only one.

When I took the Millionaire Mind Intensive seminar a few years ago, I noted that the trainer made sure that we all practiced receiving. Some of our affirmations included being a good giver and an excellent receiver, as well asking the universe to send us the share of someone who wasn’t ready to receive.

Being ready to receive is more than just finally getting something you want and celebrating that fact. It’s about being gracious and grateful. It’s about being humble and accepting a gift (in any form) without the need to pay it back (or forward) or give something in exchange. It’s about being grateful for even the smallest moment of abundance in your life. This is tricky! It can feel downright uncomfortable.

I began to experience a mindful approach to receiving shortly before my wedding in fall 2000. I realized that on that special day, I would be the center of attention and the recipient of a lot of good wishes and celebration. Thankfully, I relied on my Southern heritage and manners: I practiced graciously accepting compliments and good wishes at my bridal shower, and then I put those skills to good use on the big day! I found it a little uncomfortable to simply receive compliments (and gifts!), and it was a very interesting experience to do so.

How many times in our lives do we deflect a genuine compliment by down-playing ourselves or turning the focus to the other person, rather than simply saying, “Thank you!” and enjoying the feeling? How often do you feel ever so slightly guilty accepting a gift or favor? Do you perhaps keep a mental tally of who owes who a favor or special treat?

Every day you have the opportunity to receive. Take advantage of this opportunity with mindfulness and intentionality. Practice receiving with gratitude, and start to notice the abundance that comes to you. When you begin gratefully receiving, the universe will start to send more your way! As you notice what you have been graced with, you will see more of it. As you receive, you might find yourself giving more selflessly, as well as going after what you want more intentionally because you are ready to receive it and are no longer afraid to ask for it!

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Should You Hire a Life Coach?

Mar 17

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, clarity, Coaching, confidence, Creativity, experience, Making an impact, planning, success | No Comments

I am absolutely tickled pink about an article a former client wrote. Some time ago, I donated three coaching sessions as the door prize at a Toastmasters conference. I very much enjoyed working with the recipient. She let me know that she just wrote an article about hiring and working with a life coach.

So here it is: Life Coach: Should You Hire One?

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Love

Feb 11

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, blessing, Creativity, holiday, joy, love | 1 Comment

One of my favorite holidays is fast approaching: Valentine’s Day! Why do I love it? Because I love love itself. I like to celebrate love. And I am continually challenged to do so in a meaningful way. It occurred to me lately that the point of such a holiday is about showing love, not proving love.

Valentine’s Day is the feast day of Saint Valentine. Not much is known about Valentine, except that he was martyred in the third century. He is the patron saint of engaged couples, happy marriages, love, lovers, and young people (among other things). He is represented in pictures with birds and roses.

Somehow, the observation of a saint’s feast day has turned into a marketing whirlwind of products. They start to appear immediately after Christmas–whole aisles of things that are heart-shaped, red and pink, and cutesy-poo (sometimes nauseatingly so). Much like the commercialization of Christmas, Valentine’s Day has been seized by marketers as a way to ram more needless “stuff” down our throats. I’ve seen people (men, mostly) coming out of shops on V-day with armloads of flowers, chocolate, balloons, and stuffed animals. It makes me a little ill, frankly. I can’t imagine demanding that of someone. You don’t really need that stuff to show someone how much you love them.

So the challenge becomes how to celebrate love in a meaningful, heartfelt, and thoughtful way. My husband and I made a pact to just do something together. Some years that means we hand-make Valentine cards, sometimes we cook a nice romantic dinner and eat it by candlelight, sometimes we cuddle on the couch and watch a good movie, other times we head to art museum to get some culture.

I am truly curious to hear some great ideas from my loyal readers. How do you show your love in a way that’s meaningful to you? What Valentine’s Days past do you treasure in your heart?

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Snowbound

Feb 1

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, blessing, Creativity, Mindfulness, nature, Uncategorized, weather | No Comments

As of today, I have been snowbound for three days. We got a rare heavy snowstorm starting Friday night, and about 6-8 inches of accumulation. It’s absolutely beautiful! Luckily, the power has stayed on, so we have “weathered” (hyuk hyuk) the storm in great comfort. We had plenty of groceries, and even got a new snow shovel before it arrived.

I have reveled in this break from the busy-ness of everyday life. My calendar was mostly cleared of appointments–the two remaining ones have been rescheduled. I had lots of work to do here at home, plus some cleaning projects, a full TiVo, and a stack of books to read. I haven’t been bored at all, nor have I had cabin fever (I credit that to many, many snow days with no TV when I was growing up). I welcome the opportunity to slow down for a few days. It’s a rare luxury.

Think of Henry David Thoreau, who isolated himself from mainstream society for over two years at Walden Pond. (He still received visitors and made visits himself; he didn’t live as a hermit.) His time there inspired his classic masterpiece, Walden, which covers his thoughts on self-reliance and simple living.

When we’re given a chance to slow down a bit, what can we do? What creativity comes forth? What do you notice about your regular life when you’re offered a respite from it?

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Mulligans

Jan 27

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, blessing, change, clarity, failure, joy, love, Mindfulness, Resolution | No Comments

I hereby declare “do-overs” for January 2010. Yep, we are starting over, rebooting the year. Mulligans for all!

All around me, people are having a rough start to the new year. Many were bidding adieu (and good riddance) to a difficult 2009, and then 2010 starts off with a few hard punches to the gut. Around me I see lost jobs, breakdowns, deaths, ended relationships, and diminished resources, not to mention the obvious natural disasters. Mercury is in retrograde, I hear. Perhaps we can blame it on that.

Last night at a local meeting, I had the privilege of hearing the fantastic Mary Cantando speak. One of the points she made that stuck with me was that when something bad happens, try to look for the silver lining, specifically by saying (aloud) “Three good things about this are…” Once you say it out loud, the good things start to flow from your brain. When you can consistently look for the good, it can help you balance the bad and not let it get hold of you.

Three good things about a very hard month?

  1. Difficulties around us bring out the very best in humanity (giving, caring, loving).
  2. We are reminded that every moment of our (normal, mundane) lives is incredibly precious.
  3. We are challenged to grow larger than the problems that try to derail us.

We won’t get do-overs for January, but perhaps we don’t really need them. We can and will rebuild and create something wonderful, among the rubble of the pain, loss, and heartache. This is what defines success: not avoiding being knocked down, but continually getting back up after it (inevitably) happens.