Archer Coaching » failure http://www.archercoaching.com Coaching you on your path to joyful abundance. Mon, 14 Jun 2010 13:40:51 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 Self-Kindness http://www.archercoaching.com/self-kindness/ http://www.archercoaching.com/self-kindness/#comments Mon, 14 Jun 2010 13:40:51 +0000 Laura http://www.archercoaching.com/?p=444 “You idiot!” Have you ever said this to yourself after doing something foolish (or, in my case, after a klutz attack)? How often do you beat yourself up over inconsequential things, past failures, or some perceived lack?

It seems a lot of people are harder on themselves than they would be to anyone around them. It’s apparently second nature to be harsh to ourselves, whereas we would not say something that unforgiving to a friend or loved one. How come we have such difficulty being kind to ourselves? Why are we so unforgiving when we make a mistake?

Lately, I’ve been making a conscious, deliberate effort to be kind to myself. My key question when I’m being self-negative: “Would I tolerate a friend talking to me the way I’m talking to me?” (If the answer is “no,” that’s my indicator that I am being overly rigid and unkind.) I’ve been working on releasing certain feelings that don’t serve me: irritation at my body for aches and pains, frustration and worry about not being able to control certain aspects of my future, and anger and pain over some recent losses. I acknowledge the emotions as being a natural response, but instead of letting them put me in a cave of resentment, I release them so that I can step up to something more empowering.

Suddenly, I have a lot of energy to move forward! Worry, anger, and frustration, when turned inward, consume a lot of thought and energy, without necessarily leading to action (going into that cave of resentment or into a shame spiral). Stepping out of that vicious circle releases an enormous amount of power to propel one forward. I see a lot more possibilities, opportunities, and joy when I move in this new direction.

What might change in your life if you started being kinder to yourself?

]]> http://www.archercoaching.com/self-kindness/feed/ 0 Mulligans http://www.archercoaching.com/mulligans/ http://www.archercoaching.com/mulligans/#comments Wed, 27 Jan 2010 22:14:20 +0000 Laura http://www.archercoaching.com/?p=295 I hereby declare “do-overs” for January 2010. Yep, we are starting over, rebooting the year. Mulligans for all!

All around me, people are having a rough start to the new year. Many were bidding adieu (and good riddance) to a difficult 2009, and then 2010 starts off with a few hard punches to the gut. Around me I see lost jobs, breakdowns, deaths, ended relationships, and diminished resources, not to mention the obvious natural disasters. Mercury is in retrograde, I hear. Perhaps we can blame it on that.

Last night at a local meeting, I had the privilege of hearing the fantastic Mary Cantando speak. One of the points she made that stuck with me was that when something bad happens, try to look for the silver lining, specifically by saying (aloud) “Three good things about this are…” Once you say it out loud, the good things start to flow from your brain. When you can consistently look for the good, it can help you balance the bad and not let it get hold of you.

Three good things about a very hard month?

  1. Difficulties around us bring out the very best in humanity (giving, caring, loving).
  2. We are reminded that every moment of our (normal, mundane) lives is incredibly precious.
  3. We are challenged to grow larger than the problems that try to derail us.

We won’t get do-overs for January, but perhaps we don’t really need them. We can and will rebuild and create something wonderful, among the rubble of the pain, loss, and heartache. This is what defines success: not avoiding being knocked down, but continually getting back up after it (inevitably) happens.

]]> http://www.archercoaching.com/mulligans/feed/ 0 >Failure http://www.archercoaching.com/failure-2/ http://www.archercoaching.com/failure-2/#comments Fri, 12 Jun 2009 13:41:00 +0000 Laura http://www.archercoaching.com/wordpress/?p=217 A quote from a Toastmasters colleague: “Give yourself room to fail. There are not mistakes, only learning experiences.” I wholeheartedly believe in this, having been a consultant for years who is forced to learn from her mistakes and missteps! I strive not to make any, of course, but I always take constructive criticism to heart as a [...]]]> >A quote from a Toastmasters colleague:
“Give yourself room to fail. There are not mistakes, only learning experiences.”
I wholeheartedly believe in this, having been a consultant for years who is forced to learn from her mistakes and missteps! I strive not to make any, of course, but I always take constructive criticism to heart as a way to improve.
What have you learned from failure?
]]> http://www.archercoaching.com/failure-2/feed/ 0 >Failure http://www.archercoaching.com/failure/ http://www.archercoaching.com/failure/#comments Fri, 12 Jun 2009 13:41:00 +0000 Laura http://www.archercoaching.com/wordpress/?p=36 A quote from a Toastmasters colleague: “Give yourself room to fail. There are not mistakes, only learning experiences.” I wholeheartedly believe in this, having been a consultant for years who is forced to learn from her mistakes and missteps! I strive not to make any, of course, but I always take constructive criticism to heart as a [...]]]> >A quote from a Toastmasters colleague:
“Give yourself room to fail. There are not mistakes, only learning experiences.”
I wholeheartedly believe in this, having been a consultant for years who is forced to learn from her mistakes and missteps! I strive not to make any, of course, but I always take constructive criticism to heart as a way to improve.
What have you learned from failure?
]]> http://www.archercoaching.com/failure/feed/ 0 >Dare to Be Stupid http://www.archercoaching.com/dare-to-be-stupid-2/ http://www.archercoaching.com/dare-to-be-stupid-2/#comments Mon, 19 Jan 2009 15:37:00 +0000 Laura http://www.archercoaching.com/wordpress/?p=209 My husband has finally made a New Year’s resolution. He usually doesn’t make them. It is this: He resolved to follow through on his “stupid ideas” this year.  Now, I have to laugh a bit, but he has a valid point here. I’d like to quote my good friend Mur Lafferty when she heard about this [...]]]> >
My husband has finally made a New Year’s resolution. He usually doesn’t make them. It is this: He resolved to follow through on his “stupid ideas” this year. 
Now, I have to laugh a bit, but he has a valid point here. I’d like to quote my good friend Mur Lafferty when she heard about this resolution. She says (and I quote at length, with her permission):
“How many times have you thought of something and then cast it aside thinking, ‘Nah, that’s stupid.’ Were you really thinking you didn’t want to spend the time to see if it would be cool? Were you afraid stupid = failure? And how many things that are awesome (or at the very least successful) can you see, if written down on paper, looked stupid to begin with?
  • Let’s make a video game where you roll around a sticky ball and pick stuff up (Katamari Damacy)
  • Let’s make [insert any popular reality TV show here]
  • Let’s scream at people who have different opinions than we do (any political talking head show)
  • Let’s bottle water and sell it.
“I don’t like resolutions, but I do like this philosophy. I wonder how it fits for long-term projects–stupid ideas–that I’ve had. ‘I should start a new magazine/podcast/audio drama/novel!’ But it’s a concept I just might consider doing. What is worse: one success, or ten successes and three failures?”
Let’s all try to be a little bit stupid this year, and see what happens.
]]> http://www.archercoaching.com/dare-to-be-stupid-2/feed/ 0 >Dare to Be Stupid http://www.archercoaching.com/dare-to-be-stupid/ http://www.archercoaching.com/dare-to-be-stupid/#comments Mon, 19 Jan 2009 15:37:00 +0000 Laura http://www.archercoaching.com/wordpress/?p=28 My husband has finally made a New Year’s resolution. He usually doesn’t make them. It is this: He resolved to follow through on his “stupid ideas” this year.  Now, I have to laugh a bit, but he has a valid point here. I’d like to quote my good friend Mur Lafferty when she heard about this [...]]]> >
My husband has finally made a New Year’s resolution. He usually doesn’t make them. It is this: He resolved to follow through on his “stupid ideas” this year. 
Now, I have to laugh a bit, but he has a valid point here. I’d like to quote my good friend Mur Lafferty when she heard about this resolution. She says (and I quote at length, with her permission):
“How many times have you thought of something and then cast it aside thinking, ‘Nah, that’s stupid.’ Were you really thinking you didn’t want to spend the time to see if it would be cool? Were you afraid stupid = failure? And how many things that are awesome (or at the very least successful) can you see, if written down on paper, looked stupid to begin with?
  • Let’s make a video game where you roll around a sticky ball and pick stuff up (Katamari Damacy)
  • Let’s make [insert any popular reality TV show here]
  • Let’s scream at people who have different opinions than we do (any political talking head show)
  • Let’s bottle water and sell it.
“I don’t like resolutions, but I do like this philosophy. I wonder how it fits for long-term projects–stupid ideas–that I’ve had. ‘I should start a new magazine/podcast/audio drama/novel!’ But it’s a concept I just might consider doing. What is worse: one success, or ten successes and three failures?”
Let’s all try to be a little bit stupid this year, and see what happens.
]]> http://www.archercoaching.com/dare-to-be-stupid/feed/ 0 >Failure and moving on http://www.archercoaching.com/failure-and-moving-on-2/ http://www.archercoaching.com/failure-and-moving-on-2/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:34:00 +0000 Laura http://www.archercoaching.com/wordpress/?p=207 ”If you have made mistakes . . . there is always another chance for you. . . . You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down but the staying down.” –Mary Pickford. We all strive for success (or at least, we strive not [...]]]> >”If you have made mistakes . . . there is always another chance for you. . . . You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down but the staying down.” –Mary Pickford.
We all strive for success (or at least, we strive not to fail), but failure is an important part of life. We learn when we fail, and it shapes us as much as success does. As painful as the lessons can be, as difficult as it can be to rise again, it’s in our human nature to get back up. 
My coaching instructor put it this way: “We are never overcoming. We are always becoming.” I love this sentiment. It makes me think about the failures or bad times in my life. Although I don’t necessarily love the bad things, I do realize that they made me who I am, and I like who I am now. I won’t necessarily embrace and seek out failure, but I do acknowledge its value.
One of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to acknowledge in my life was a very bad relationship in my younger days. I thought I knew better, I thought I was smart enough not to get involved with someone who would try to control me or be mean to me. But I fell for it anyway. For more than a decade after, I was angry at myself for being “so stupid” as to not see the signs. One day, I suddenly realized that to truly let this painful episode go, I had to forgive myself. It took some time, but I finally did let it go. I don’t relish the memory of this relationship, and I don’t want to dwell on it, but I know that it was important to who I am today and my very healthy marriage as well as my self-respect.
What failures have been important in your life? What have you learned from a failure that serves you now?
]]> http://www.archercoaching.com/failure-and-moving-on-2/feed/ 0 >Failure and moving on http://www.archercoaching.com/failure-and-moving-on/ http://www.archercoaching.com/failure-and-moving-on/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:34:00 +0000 Laura http://www.archercoaching.com/wordpress/?p=26 ”If you have made mistakes . . . there is always another chance for you. . . . You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down but the staying down.” –Mary Pickford. We all strive for success (or at least, we strive not [...]]]> >”If you have made mistakes . . . there is always another chance for you. . . . You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down but the staying down.” –Mary Pickford.
We all strive for success (or at least, we strive not to fail), but failure is an important part of life. We learn when we fail, and it shapes us as much as success does. As painful as the lessons can be, as difficult as it can be to rise again, it’s in our human nature to get back up. 
My coaching instructor put it this way: “We are never overcoming. We are always becoming.” I love this sentiment. It makes me think about the failures or bad times in my life. Although I don’t necessarily love the bad things, I do realize that they made me who I am, and I like who I am now. I won’t necessarily embrace and seek out failure, but I do acknowledge its value.
One of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to acknowledge in my life was a very bad relationship in my younger days. I thought I knew better, I thought I was smart enough not to get involved with someone who would try to control me or be mean to me. But I fell for it anyway. For more than a decade after, I was angry at myself for being “so stupid” as to not see the signs. One day, I suddenly realized that to truly let this painful episode go, I had to forgive myself. It took some time, but I finally did let it go. I don’t relish the memory of this relationship, and I don’t want to dwell on it, but I know that it was important to who I am today and my very healthy marriage as well as my self-respect.
What failures have been important in your life? What have you learned from a failure that serves you now?
]]> http://www.archercoaching.com/failure-and-moving-on/feed/ 0