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Archive for category Goals

The Three D’s: Defer

Jan 12

Posted by Laura in Goals, Mindfulness, Uncategorized, balance, performance, planning, time | No Comments

There is a task management mantra that many people swear by (including me, and some of my clients). If you are feeling overwhelmed, start implementing the three D’s: delete, defer, and delegate. Write it across the top of your week or month in your planner or calendar, so you are reminded of it as you review your tasks.

I’ve used and recommended this technique for while, and it seems fairly simple, but there can be surprising depth in this simple process, so I have decided to explore it in a short series of blog posts. I’ve previously discussed the first D, delete.

The second D: defer. If a task or appointment cannot be deleted, consider whether it can be deferred until later. If it can be easily moved and will significantly help you out, go for it. Reschedule it!

This choice, in my opinion, is the easiest to make. Deleting an item entirely can be difficult to do, but deferring it until later is much easier on our consciences. It’s often easier to defer than to delegate, and thus “let go” of a task we have claimed responsibility for. I think many people (myself included) defer most of our to-do list when necessary (rather than deleting or delegating).

When deferring a task, it would serve us well to defer it only briefly and only once, so it doesn’t linger until it becomes a house-on-fire-must-handle-immediately task later on down the road. It can be far too easy to get in a vicious circle of moving from one crisis to another, putting out fires on a daily (even hourly) basis. That adrenaline rush lifestyle, however, is ultimately not sustainable. After a while, we end up crashing, hard, and doing nothing at all simply as a way to recuperate. Then we are at the extremes of either doing everything all at once, or nothing at all, neither of which serves us. The truth is, we all have to find an optimal mix of important, urgent, not important, and not urgent things to fill our time.

It’s also far too easy to defer all the fun things in favor of not-so-fun things. How many times do we cancel lunch with a friend, “date night,” or goofing-off time because other things seem “more important?” When looking at your planner and deciding what to defer, think hard before deferring these items that might bring some delight (the fourth D?) into your day. It may seem super-easy to cancel that lunch date with your pal, but consider this: Do you want some levity and fellowship in the day? How important is that meeting to your friendship? Would it give you some balance?

If you defer something more than a few times, you might need to check in with yourself: Why is this task constantly deferred? Is it truly important? If it is, why haven’t I done it yet? What would it take to get it done?

The Three D’s: Delete

Jan 5

Posted by Laura in Goals, Mindfulness, Uncategorized, balance, clarity, confidence, planning, resistance, time | 2 Comments

There is a task management mantra that many people swear by (including me, and some of my clients). If you are feeling overwhelmed, start implementing the three D’s: delete, defer, and delegate. Write it across the top of your week or month in your planner or calendar, so you are reminded of it as you review your tasks.

I’ve used and recommended this technique for while, and it seems fairly simple, but there can be surprising depth in this simple process, so I have decided to explore it in a short series of blog posts. Let’s jump right in, shall we?

The first D: delete. This is fairly obvious–get rid of those things on your calendar or to-do list that you can really do without. Sometimes it can be surprisingly difficult to make this cut. We find it much easier to defer until later, or delegate to someone else. We tend to overcommit, we like to be involved, we want to say “yes” to everything. Suddenly, our calendar can fill up with the usual assortment of appointments, get-togethers, parties, meals, and all kinds of other events. If we do a lot of business networking or are self-employed, the list of appointments and tasks gets even longer. Suddenly the days are chopped up with a lot of busy-work, and not enough real meat to the day. Ever feel like you were running around a lot, but not really accomplishing anything? I know that feeling well. It leads to burnout, where you then end up doing nothing at all just to recuperate.

“But wait,” you might be protesting, “if I put a task on my calendar or in a list, then clearly I need to do it, I must do it, and therefore I can’t possibly delete it.” How can you approach your task list with an eye for removing some items?

You can, of course, begin by asking yourself question like, “Is it truly necessary? Does it have a big/immediate payoff? What’s in it for me?” Those can help you do a preliminary cull (or figure out what to defer or delegate).

It’s more enlightening to ask yourself something like “If I say NO to this task, what does that open up for me?” and “What do I want more of in my life? What am I willing to trade off to get it?” These kind of questions work particularly well if you look at standing commitments–things you do every week or month, or even just once or twice a year.

For example, I used to volunteer regularly at my local classical music station, every time they had a call-in fundraiser. At the time, I listened to the station a lot while I was working, and I like giving my time to help out, even when it took a significant portion of my workday. After a few years, I realized I was only agreeing to volunteer because I felt bad saying “no”–even though I no longer listened to the station! I was able to decline the next request to volunteer and reclaim a bit of my schedule.

It is difficult to say “no.” However, if you have thought through your needs and desires and can say “no” from a place of wholeness and love, you will open up new possibilities for your personal growth and joy. You will allow yourself to be your best because you can choose and commit to things with intention and mindfulness.

How do you cut items from your list or planner?

You Say You Want a Resolution

Dec 28

Posted by Laura in Coaching, Goals, Mindfulness, Resolution, Uncategorized, change, holiday, momentum, planning | No Comments

The calendar year is nearly finished, with a new one looming immediately. Your thoughts might be turning to New Year’s resolutions. I’ve heard many people say, “I don’t make resolutions, since I never keep them, so then I don’t feel guilty.” Others make a lot of resolutions and then keep one or two. Some might make resolutions and then promptly forget them. And some people use the opportunity of New Year’s resolutions to make a real change in their lives.

I am a fan of resolutions! I feel that if they are made properly, with the right mindset and with an action plan, they can help a person grow. So here, without further ado, is my completely unofficial handy-dandy guide to make a resolution that you can (more likely) stick with.

1. Ditch any thoughts that begin with “I should,” “I ought to,” or “I really need to…” If you’re nagging yourself before even making the resolution, your chances of keeping it are pretty low.

2. Ask yourself: “What do I want more of in my life?” and “Where can I grow?” Asking yourself a positive question like this will lead to you being more likely to stick to a goal. Instead of just “denying” yourself something (quit smoking, stop biting your nails), commit to something positive! For instance, if you want more joy in your daily life, you might resolve to do something you really enjoy once a week, like playing golf or watching a movie in a theater. If you do want to do something like lose weight, you can put it in a positive framework, perhaps by saying, “I resolve to improve my health and wear a size 8 by end of next year.”

3. Make your resolution SMART: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-limited. If it doesn’t meet these criteria, then it’s not likely you will achieve your goal. Remember, your resolutions (like all your goals) should be something within your control! Resolving to win the lottery is useless, as that is not in your control. Resolving to buy a lottery ticket every week certainly is in your control.

4. Ask yourself the critical follow-up question: “How will I achieve this?” This is the lynchpin that can keep your goal linked to reality. A pie-in-the-sky goal like “I resolve to make a million dollars this year” doesn’t do anything for you if you don’t have a plan for achieving it. Follow up a good resolution with a plan for action! For instance, if you resolve to shave 10 points off your golf game, you might create an action plan that involves some lessons with a pro, more time at the driving range, and watching some videos to help you improve your putting.

5. Put it on paper. Write down your resolution; put action benchmarks in your planner, so you can check in throughout the year. When you write something down, it becomes more real to you. Writing something is a deliberate act, and little more mindful than just saying something out loud. You can also make a “dream board” with pictures of your achieved goals, to help motivate you.

6. Get some accountability! Got a buddy with the same resolution? Check in with each other! This works particularly well if you want to learn a new skill (take a class together, practice together) or do something like lose weight (gym buddies) or stop smoking (support group).

Always remember, you don’t have to wait until January 1 to get started on a new resolution. There are new years starting every day! Some notable new years include Chinese New Year (lunar new year), which is on February 14, 2010; several cultures celebrate new year on the vernal equinox. There is also Rosh Hashanah (Jewish new year), Samhain (Celtic new year), and of course, your own birthday.

Anyone want to share their resolutions in the comments? I’m always intrigued! In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll share three of mine.

1. I resolve to work hard on my business so that my average monthly income doubles.

2. I resolve to work on and complete at least one monk’s cloth embroidery project.

3. I resolve to cook a real meal every other week (husband agreed to do the same!).

>Revolutions

Jan 13

Posted by Laura in Goals | No Comments

>It’s a new year! Time to shine in 2009. I think it’s time for some resolutions… and if we all keep them, we’ll have a revolution.

My resolutions for 2009 mainly have to do with reading. I’m a big fan of fiction, and I’m a member of a feminist fiction book group. Last year, my resolution was to read all of the book group selections, as in 2007 I had only managed to read about half of them. I did quite well in 2008, and I think I read all of them. So I’m going to continue for 2009, plus I’ve been reading lots more novels lately. 
The turn of a new year–the promise of a clean slate–is a great time for taking stock of things and figuring out where one would like improvement.
What resolutions did you make? What are you excited about this year? 

>Revolutions

Jan 13

Posted by Laura in Goals | No Comments

>It’s a new year! Time to shine in 2009. I think it’s time for some resolutions… and if we all keep them, we’ll have a revolution.

My resolutions for 2009 mainly have to do with reading. I’m a big fan of fiction, and I’m a member of a feminist fiction book group. Last year, my resolution was to read all of the book group selections, as in 2007 I had only managed to read about half of them. I did quite well in 2008, and I think I read all of them. So I’m going to continue for 2009, plus I’ve been reading lots more novels lately. 
The turn of a new year–the promise of a clean slate–is a great time for taking stock of things and figuring out where one would like improvement.
What resolutions did you make? What are you excited about this year? 

>Timed goals

Sep 28

Posted by Laura in Goals | No Comments

>

At the end of the SMART acronym for goal setting is timed for completion. Timely goals have dates in mind for achievement. Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, put it best: “A goal is a dream with a deadline.” If you don’t have a timeline for achieving your goals, you may not get to work right away. It will always seem to be “sometime in the future,” and of course we all know that tomorrow never comes. This is also a reason to have a variety of short- and long-term goals. You can track how you’re doing frequently instead of making a set of goals and then just forgetting about them.

If you set goals for the week, month, quarter, and year, then you have a timeline to completion. It becomes trickier to set longer-term goals and put deadlines on them. For instance:

  • I want to pay off my mortgage.
  • I want to spend a month in Hawaii.
  • I want to retire early.

These are all great goals, but with no timeline to keep you on track, your chances of succeeding are low. In the case of the mortgage, you can succeed anyway by making payments on time every month until the 30-year term is up. If you want to spend that month in Hawaii, put it in your life plan. Defining what you mean by “early” will help you reach retirement that much faster. Here are some reframed goals with timelines:

  • I will pay off my mortgage 10 years early (and then outline the subgoals that will make this happen)
  • I will spend a month in Hawaii for my 20th wedding anniversary.
  • I will retire at age 55. (Specify here what you mean by “retire”—just work part-time? Volunteer? Do nothing whatsoever?)

Review your list of goals and put a timeline for each of them!

If you’ve followed the last several posts from this blog, you’ve learned how to dream up the future you want, remind yourself of your goals with visuals, and shape your dreams by setting SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timed) goals. Your success is now only a matter of your effort!

>Timed goals

Sep 28

Posted by Laura in Goals | No Comments

>

At the end of the SMART acronym for goal setting is timed for completion. Timely goals have dates in mind for achievement. Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, put it best: “A goal is a dream with a deadline.” If you don’t have a timeline for achieving your goals, you may not get to work right away. It will always seem to be “sometime in the future,” and of course we all know that tomorrow never comes. This is also a reason to have a variety of short- and long-term goals. You can track how you’re doing frequently instead of making a set of goals and then just forgetting about them.

If you set goals for the week, month, quarter, and year, then you have a timeline to completion. It becomes trickier to set longer-term goals and put deadlines on them. For instance:

  • I want to pay off my mortgage.
  • I want to spend a month in Hawaii.
  • I want to retire early.

These are all great goals, but with no timeline to keep you on track, your chances of succeeding are low. In the case of the mortgage, you can succeed anyway by making payments on time every month until the 30-year term is up. If you want to spend that month in Hawaii, put it in your life plan. Defining what you mean by “early” will help you reach retirement that much faster. Here are some reframed goals with timelines:

  • I will pay off my mortgage 10 years early (and then outline the subgoals that will make this happen)
  • I will spend a month in Hawaii for my 20th wedding anniversary.
  • I will retire at age 55. (Specify here what you mean by “retire”—just work part-time? Volunteer? Do nothing whatsoever?)

Review your list of goals and put a timeline for each of them!

If you’ve followed the last several posts from this blog, you’ve learned how to dream up the future you want, remind yourself of your goals with visuals, and shape your dreams by setting SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timed) goals. Your success is now only a matter of your effort!

>Realistic/Relevant goals

Sep 25

Posted by Laura in Goals | No Comments

>

We’ve covered SMA of the SMART acronym of goal setting. After specific, measurable, and achievable goals, frame your desires with realistic or relevant objectives. Goals should be within the realm of possibility. Setting a goal outside the realm of possibility means you might waste a lot of time and energy struggling to reach it when you can’t, and then enter a shame spiral if you feel like a failure for not achieving it. You are bound by the laws of physics and time. You cannot change the past, as much as you might want to. Look to the future! Some goals that would not be achievable are:

  • I want to be Batman. (Batman is a fictional and tragic character. One can dress up like Batman, but not really be Batman.)
  • I want to fly to Mars in my own spaceship. (Unless you are a trained astronaut, billionaire, and aeronautical engineer, it’s extremely unlikely this will happen in your lifetime.)
  • I want to be king/queen. (Unless you are born to royalty, this won’t happen. Even if you are born as a royal, this may not happen!)
  • I want to buy Disney World. (It’s within the realm of possibility to earn enough to buy it, but Disney World as a property will probably never be for sale in the first place!) 

In addition, realistic objectives should keep in mind any limitations (or, positively, special talents) you might have. For instance, if you are only five feet tall and not very coordinated, you won’t be playing for the Olympics basketball team. However, if you a high IQ, then joining Mensa might easily be in your grasp! 

Check your goals with an eye for making them realistic and relevant to your life!

>Realistic/Relevant goals

Sep 25

Posted by Laura in Goals | No Comments

>

We’ve covered SMA of the SMART acronym of goal setting. After specific, measurable, and achievable goals, frame your desires with realistic or relevant objectives. Goals should be within the realm of possibility. Setting a goal outside the realm of possibility means you might waste a lot of time and energy struggling to reach it when you can’t, and then enter a shame spiral if you feel like a failure for not achieving it. You are bound by the laws of physics and time. You cannot change the past, as much as you might want to. Look to the future! Some goals that would not be achievable are:

  • I want to be Batman. (Batman is a fictional and tragic character. One can dress up like Batman, but not really be Batman.)
  • I want to fly to Mars in my own spaceship. (Unless you are a trained astronaut, billionaire, and aeronautical engineer, it’s extremely unlikely this will happen in your lifetime.)
  • I want to be king/queen. (Unless you are born to royalty, this won’t happen. Even if you are born as a royal, this may not happen!)
  • I want to buy Disney World. (It’s within the realm of possibility to earn enough to buy it, but Disney World as a property will probably never be for sale in the first place!) 

In addition, realistic objectives should keep in mind any limitations (or, positively, special talents) you might have. For instance, if you are only five feet tall and not very coordinated, you won’t be playing for the Olympics basketball team. However, if you a high IQ, then joining Mensa might easily be in your grasp! 

Check your goals with an eye for making them realistic and relevant to your life!

>Achievable goals

Sep 22

Posted by Laura in Goals | No Comments

>

So far in the goal-setting SMART acronym, I’ve covered how to make goals specific and measurable. Today I discuss goals that are achievable. Achievable means that you are reaching for desires within your grasp! 

Achievable goals are within your control. This is a very important step that can really trip people up sometimes. You can only control yourself. You can’t control events bigger than yourself or the actions of others. Some goals not within your control are:

  • I want to win the lottery
  • I want my children to behave better
  • I want my husband to treat me nicely
  • I want my boss to give me a raise

Winning the lottery is not within your control–you can only control whether you buy a ticket and which numbers you pick. You simply cannot control any other person’s behavior, so wanting your children or husband to do something or your boss to give you a raise are not achievable goals for yourself. You can control your own actions, and that is all! 

So how could you reframe these nonrealistic goals to be in your control? Try the following:

  • I will buy two lottery tickets a month. (Still playing astronomical odds, but the number of tickets you buy is in your control.)
  • I will come up with a punishment/reward system to encourage good behavior in my kids. (Setting up the system is in your control)
  • When my husband frustrates me, I will take a deep breath and calm down before responding. (Controlling your own response)
  • I will ask my boss for a raise and give four good reasons for him or her to grant it!

Take a look at the goals you’ve been developing–make sure they are all about YOU!