Valentine’s Day is the feast day of Saint Valentine. Not much is known about Valentine, except that he was martyred in the third century. He is the patron saint of engaged couples, happy marriages, love, lovers, and young people (among other things). He is represented in pictures with birds and roses.

Somehow, the observation of a saint’s feast day has turned into a marketing whirlwind of products. They start to appear immediately after Christmas–whole aisles of things that are heart-shaped, red and pink, and cutesy-poo (sometimes nauseatingly so). Much like the commercialization of Christmas, Valentine’s Day has been seized by marketers as a way to ram more needless “stuff” down our throats. I’ve seen people (men, mostly) coming out of shops on V-day with armloads of flowers, chocolate, balloons, and stuffed animals. It makes me a little ill, frankly. I can’t imagine demanding that of someone. You don’t really need that stuff to show someone how much you love them.

So the challenge becomes how to celebrate love in a meaningful, heartfelt, and thoughtful way. My husband and I made a pact to just do something together. Some years that means we hand-make Valentine cards, sometimes we cook a nice romantic dinner and eat it by candlelight, sometimes we cuddle on the couch and watch a good movie, other times we head to art museum to get some culture.

I am truly curious to hear some great ideas from my loyal readers. How do you show your love in a way that’s meaningful to you? What Valentine’s Days past do you treasure in your heart?

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I am a fan of resolutions! I feel that if they are made properly, with the right mindset and with an action plan, they can help a person grow. So here, without further ado, is my completely unofficial handy-dandy guide to make a resolution that you can (more likely) stick with.

1. Ditch any thoughts that begin with “I should,” “I ought to,” or “I really need to…” If you’re nagging yourself before even making the resolution, your chances of keeping it are pretty low.

2. Ask yourself: “What do I want more of in my life?” and “Where can I grow?” Asking yourself a positive question like this will lead to you being more likely to stick to a goal. Instead of just “denying” yourself something (quit smoking, stop biting your nails), commit to something positive! For instance, if you want more joy in your daily life, you might resolve to do something you really enjoy once a week, like playing golf or watching a movie in a theater. If you do want to do something like lose weight, you can put it in a positive framework, perhaps by saying, “I resolve to improve my health and wear a size 8 by end of next year.”

3. Make your resolution SMART: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-limited. If it doesn’t meet these criteria, then it’s not likely you will achieve your goal. Remember, your resolutions (like all your goals) should be something within your control! Resolving to win the lottery is useless, as that is not in your control. Resolving to buy a lottery ticket every week certainly is in your control.

4. Ask yourself the critical follow-up question: “How will I achieve this?” This is the lynchpin that can keep your goal linked to reality. A pie-in-the-sky goal like “I resolve to make a million dollars this year” doesn’t do anything for you if you don’t have a plan for achieving it. Follow up a good resolution with a plan for action! For instance, if you resolve to shave 10 points off your golf game, you might create an action plan that involves some lessons with a pro, more time at the driving range, and watching some videos to help you improve your putting.

5. Put it on paper. Write down your resolution; put action benchmarks in your planner, so you can check in throughout the year. When you write something down, it becomes more real to you. Writing something is a deliberate act, and little more mindful than just saying something out loud. You can also make a “dream board” with pictures of your achieved goals, to help motivate you.

6. Get some accountability! Got a buddy with the same resolution? Check in with each other! This works particularly well if you want to learn a new skill (take a class together, practice together) or do something like lose weight (gym buddies) or stop smoking (support group).

Always remember, you don’t have to wait until January 1 to get started on a new resolution. There are new years starting every day! Some notable new years include Chinese New Year (lunar new year), which is on February 14, 2010; several cultures celebrate new year on the vernal equinox. There is also Rosh Hashanah (Jewish new year), Samhain (Celtic new year), and of course, your own birthday.

Anyone want to share their resolutions in the comments? I’m always intrigued! In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll share three of mine.

1. I resolve to work hard on my business so that my average monthly income doubles.

2. I resolve to work on and complete at least one monk’s cloth embroidery project.

3. I resolve to cook a real meal every other week (husband agreed to do the same!).

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As the leaves fell and the rain came down this autumn, I was thinking of ways to shed unnecessary things in my life. Like the church season of Advent, I am preparing for the arrival of some changes. I make room in my life, trusting that the universe will fill it with what I am manifesting. As I let go of things that had a hold on me, I find a new lightness, a new energy, a new creativity. My email box is clean, my office is tidied up, a fresh new desk calendar awaits a year full of joyful events. I’m purging things from my home, reexamining my commitments, seeking experiences rather than objects.

Seasons change, solstices and equinoxes come and go, tides rise and ebb. The cycles of our lives are marked in more ways than sunlight or water. A new calendar year is coming. How are we changing? What are we becoming? What are we creating room for?

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As I grow older (and more breathtakingly intelligent ) I am less attached to things. I find more joy in experiences (being or doing, instead of having and owning). The ephemeral nature of something experienced is a powerful, treasured memory. My memories turn into stories. And I love to tell stories (it’s a family thing!). I find myself growing and becoming more than I am, due to experiences!

In the past few years, I’ve found joy in some of the following experiences. (Feel free to try these in your own life, and share what experiences you enjoy!)

Food. I’m turning into a budding foodie. After watching a lot of Top Chef and Hell’s Kitchen, I became fascinated with fine dining and food experiences. So I created a Gourmet Club with two girlfriends. Once a month, we go out to a really nice restaurant. We take turns picking the place and making the reservation. We may order whatever we like, but must be prepared to share a bite or two when asked. Formerly a picky eater, I have committed myself to trying new things! For instance, I’ve now eaten (and enjoyed) foie gras (yummmm!), Brussels sprouts, escargots, veal, and more. However, I still don’t care for scallops. This kind of experience is so much fun and has really helped me open up my horizons! (Also, for local folks: I’m happy to make restaurant recommendations!) I also enjoyed a knife skills class at a local cooking school, and I’m looking to learn more.

Reading. I have been a member of a book club since 1995! We read fiction, meet once a month, and discuss. This wonderful group of fabulous women has spawned a lot of deep friendships, not to mention amazing discussions of books! Because we read a wide variety of genres, the group has helped me reach beyond my comfort zone and grow. I’m a big fan of my local library, and friends loan me books all the time. It’s a unique excitement to find out one of your favorite authors has a new book out (right now: new Barbara Kingsolver!).

Cars. I realize this sounds more like a “thing” than an “experience.” Bear with me, here. I love cars. LOVE ‘em. Inherited this love from my dad, bless him. I love to watch Top Gear

Hot Car

What experiences do you treasure? What activities or experiences offer joy for you?

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