Archer Coaching

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Archive for category Mindfulness

Are You Coachable?

Feb 10

Posted by Laura in business, change, choice, Coaching, Coaching Week, definition, Dreaming, experience, Goals, Mindfulness, momentum, openness, Path, planning, success | No Comments

In honor of International Coaching Week, February 6 through 12, I am posting a series of short articles about coaching.

Day 5: Are You Coachable?

One of the first things I learned in my coach training is to work with the willing. Not everyone wants or is ready for coaching. Those who want coaching might not be very coachable. The people who get the most out of coaching have a certain set of characteristics. If you’re interested in coaching, ask yourself the following questions to find out if you would truly benefit (coachable people will answer “yes” to most or all).

Do you have a compelling vision and a clear goal?

Do you know what you want? If you aren’t sure what you want, it is difficult (or impossible) to create it. There’s only so far you can go before you’ll get stuck. If you have a vague idea, spend some time crafting your vision of how you want things to be. When you have a clearer picture, you will be ready for coaching. If all you can think is “I just want it to be different than it is now!” or “I don’t want this!” then definitely spend some time imagining what “different” might look like and how you do want things to be! Coachable people have a specific, positive goal or vision in mind, from a short-term project to a big picture.

Are you future-oriented?

Coachable people are ready to move forward. They may learn from the past and take lessons from the present, but they do not allow themselves to wallow in the existing story. They aren’t so much trying to figure out why things went wrong or how they got here as they are trying to build a new future.

Are you open to change and growth–quite possibly beyond your comfort zone?

Coaching is about creating change. Getting what you want and crafting the life you envision requires change, sometimes quite a lot of it. Change leads to growth; growth leads to transformation. Change can be scary. You must be open to it to benefit from coaching. If you aren’t truly interested in change, then coaching isn’t for you.

Are you open to honest feedback?

Can you learn and grow from feedback? In the process of coaching, you’ll get honest feedback, sometimes from the coach, sometimes from other people, and often from yourself as you plunge the depths of your own knowledge and wisdom. Criticism stings (and we can be very hard on ourselves), but constructive feedback can shape your path in a positive way. Can you handle feedback, accept it, and move forward in wisdom?

Are you ready to work?

Coaching can open doors, create opportunities, and help you chart your path. No one can walk that path but you, and it requires taking action. The work may be spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, or all of these things. If you are passive and expect change to come to you, then you won’t get much out of coaching. If you expect that the mere fact that you are being coached will change everything, you will be disappointed. If you don’t put in the effort, you won’t see the reward. You should be ready for change, and you should be ready to make it happen.

Are you focused on something within your control?

A key to coaching is to be sure that you are focused on something within your control to do something about. You cannot change things like time, the laws of physics, and other people. People waste a lot of energy trying to change or influence things they can’t control (for instance, how someone else treats them). If you focus on yourself and your own thoughts, feelings, and actions, you will be able to make real change in a significant way. Through coaching and vision work, you can then imagine and notice how your individual changes might have ripple effects in those around you and the world at large.

Are you ready to invest time, energy, and money in coaching to get results?

Creating the future you want takes effort and work. It also takes time, thought, energy, and, yes, money. Coaching can be a valuable tool to help you get what you want, but it will only work if you feel your goals are worth the investment. Studies are showing that the return on investment for coaching (in business) is three to seven times the dollar amount spent. Instead of looking at coaching as an added cost burden or luxury expense (as many do), look at your goals and your life and ask this: “Am I worth it?” Coaching is an investment in yourself.

You may not be a good candidate for coaching if one or more of the following is true for you.

  • You’re looking for a quick fix or easy answers
  • You just want to complain or get validation for what you’re already doing (even if you’re taking no action at all)
  • You tend to avoid taking responsibility (“It’s not my fault!”), pointing a finger of blame at other people and things
  • You don’t really want to change
  • You’re focused on things that aren’t within your control (other people’s behavior and actions)

If you’re willing to let go of these things, you might be ready for coaching.

Tomorrow: Laura’s Path to Coaching and Her Approach

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What Is Coaching?

Feb 6

Posted by Laura in balance, choice, clarity, Coaching, Coaching Week, definition, difference, Goals, Mindfulness, planning, relationship | 1 Comment

In honor of International Coaching Week, February 6 through 12, I am posting a series of short articles about coaching.

Day 1: What Is Coaching?
A lot of people aren’t really sure what coaching is (and isn’t). Coaching is a relatively new (and still developing) field, and as such, a clear definition is sometimes elusive. Some seem to think that people come to a coach with their problems and then are told what to do, much as a mentor relationship works. Others tend to think of a coach as a sort of therapist.

For the clearest, simplest definition of coaching I’ve found, I quote the International Coach Federation: “Coaching is partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.”

Coaching is focused on working with clients to help them create what they want–a compelling vision, an action plan, commitment, and achievement! A coach honors the client as the expert in his or her own life and elicits creativity and resourcefulness, without offering a set path of “what to do.”

As a coach, I support my clients by listening, questioning, observing, eliciting solutions, and holding them accountable to action steps. I do not offer advice but help a client find her or her own path to sustainable change. I step into clients’ perspectives and help them move forward to achieve their goals and transform their lives, while also reminding them to look at the big picture, beyond the immediate effects of their choices and actions. I have a variety of tools and exercises that can help clients tap their potential and move forward toward achieving their dreams.

I am frequently asked about the difference between coaching and therapy or counseling. A lot of people think that coaching is very similar to therapy or counseling, and many counselors and therapists are adding coaching skills to support their clients. There is a primary difference, though, and here it is: Coaching always looks forward, to the future, to getting what the client wants. Therapy and counseling frequently look backward, to what went wrong in the past, to analysis.

As a coach, I believe my clients are whole, absolutely all right, and already have all the resources they need to succeed. My job is to help them unlock their genius. It’s not about “fixing” problems, or blaming and shaming, it’s about moving forward to create a powerful future. A client in crisis (say, with a serious mental health issue such as bipolar disorder) may not benefit from coaching if it is applied to the issue. I am the first to say that I cannot help someone in crisis, and I do refer them to other professionals, as appropriate. However, someone with a mental health issue may still benefit from coaching if it is applied to other areas of his or her life.

Counseling and therapy tend to look more at what is not whole, what might be broken, or what is in crisis (I admit these are very broad generalizations). Coaching is a powerful method for getting what you want, but it is no replacement for therapy or counseling when these are needed.

Tomorrow: What Does a Coach Do?

For more about coaching, see the ICF.

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New Year’s Revolution

Dec 20

Posted by Laura in balance, blessing, business, choice, clarity, confidence, failure, Goals, holiday, Mindfulness, motivation, Resolution, success | No Comments

(Note: this is a reprint, with a few updates, from last year’s post about New Year’s Resolutions.)

The calendar year is nearly finished, with a new one looming immediately. Your thoughts might be turning to New Year’s resolutions. I’ve heard many people say, “I don’t make resolutions, since I never keep them, so then I don’t feel guilty.” Others make a lot of resolutions and then keep one or two. Some might make resolutions and then promptly forget them. And some use the opportunity of New Year’s resolutions to make a real change in their lives.

I am a fan of resolutions! I feel that if they are made properly, with the right mindset and with an action plan, they can help a person grow. So here, without further ado, is my completely unofficial handy-dandy guide to make a resolution that you can (more likely) stick with.

1. Ditch any thoughts that begin with “I should,” “I ought to,” or “I really need to…” If you’re nagging yourself before even making the resolution, your chances of keeping it are pretty low. (See Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda for better tips on self-motivating talk.)

2. Ask yourself: “What do I want more of in my life?” and “Where can I grow?” Asking yourself a question like this will lead to you being more likely to stick to a goal. Instead of just “denying” yourself something (quit smoking, stop biting your nails), commit to something positive! For instance, if you want more joy in your daily life, you might resolve to do something you really enjoy once a week, like playing golf or watching a movie in a theater. If you do want to do something like lose weight, you can put it in a positive framework, perhaps by saying, “I resolve to improve my health and wear a size 8 by end of next year.”

3. Make your resolution SMART: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-limited. If it doesn’t meet these criteria, then it’s not likely you will achieve your goal. Remember, your resolutions (like all your goals) should be something within your control! Resolving to win the lottery is useless, as that is not in your control. Resolving to buy a lottery ticket every week certainly is in your control.

4. Ask yourself the critical follow-up question: “How will I achieve this?” This is the lynchpin that can keep your goal linked to reality. A pie-in-the-sky goal like “I resolve to make a million dollars this year” doesn’t do anything for you if you don’t have a plan for achieving it. Follow up a good resolution with a plan for action! For instance, if you resolve to shave 10 points off your golf game, you might create an action plan that involves some lessons with a pro, more time at the driving range, and watching some videos to help you improve your putting.

5. Put it on paper. Write down your resolution; and put action benchmarks in your planner, so you can check in throughout the year. When you write something down, it becomes more real to you. Writing something is a deliberate act, and little more mindful than just saying something out loud. You can also make a “dream board” with pictures of your achieved goals, to help motivate you.

6. Get some accountability! Got a buddy with the same resolution? Check in with each other! This works particularly well if you want to learn a new skill (take a class together, practice together) or do something like lose weight (gym buddies) or stop smoking (support group).

Always remember, you don’t have to wait until January 1 to get started on a new resolution. There are new years starting every day! Some notable new years include Chinese New Year (lunar new year), which is on February 14, 2010; several cultures celebrate new year on the vernal equinox. There is also Rosh Hashanah (Jewish new year), Samhain (Celtic new year), and of course, your own birthday.

Anyone want to share their resolutions in the comments? I’m always intrigued! In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll share three of mine from 2010, with updates.

1. I resolve to work hard on my business so that my average monthly income doubles. [I did manage to achieve this a couple of times!]
2. I resolve to work on and complete at least one monk’s cloth embroidery project. [Ok, I didn't do this. I had no accountability on it, though.]
3. I resolve to cook a real meal every other week (husband agreed to do the same!) [Started out well, but this was perhaps overly ambitious for me.]

I’m still working on my 2011 resolutions. I have some major changes coming up next year, primarily the birth of my first child in early March-ish. I think my resolutions will focus on navigating change and growing into my role as a mom.

What are your resolutions? How do you keep them?

Want to turn your resolutions into reality? Check out my special package for launching your success in 2011: four one-hour coaching sessions at a discount price!

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2011 Package!

Dec 14

Posted by Laura in change, choice, Coaching, confidence, Goals, Making an impact, Mindfulness, momentum, motivation, planning, Resolution, success | No Comments

Are you inspired to think ahead to 2011 and your goals for the new year? Do you have a resolution you would love to make a reality? Archer Coaching can help you get there!

Announcing: A special coaching package to launch 2011 and catapult you into success!

  • Four 1-hour coaching sessions at a discounted price
  • Scheduled at your convenience (by phone or Skype)
  • Includes powerful values elicitation exercise
  • Begins with Life Plan overview for a big-picture view
  • Focused on you and your life
  • Certified, credentialed coach to support you
  • Coach is available by phone or email for check-ins and updates

Cost: $300 (normally $450)

Get started: go to my Calendar page to see my Appointy calendar. Select the 2011 Package option, and schedule your first session! Or, contact me directly with questions or requests for other times. When you’ve registered, you will receive contact and billing information.

I look forward to supporting you in creating success!

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Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Dec 11

Posted by Laura in choice, clarity, Communications, confidence, Mindfulness, momentum, motivation, Powerful questions, practice, resistance, success | 1 Comment

You can “should” all over yourself.

That’s what my coaching mentor used to say, and she was right. How often do you say, “I really should…” or “I gotta…” or “I just need to…” or “I really ought to…” Is this kind of self-talk really motivating? Sometimes (perhaps for a lucky few), but usually it’s not. We can “should” all day long, but that often makes us less likely to do what we say, and then we feel guilty about it, and even stuck. Think about it: “I really should lose weight, start running, call Sally back, plan that trip, save some more money…”

These kind of verbal habits don’t do us any favors. We can “should” all over ourselves and all we have to show for it is guilt and a growing long to-do list.

How can you truly motivate yourself with your self-talk?

The first step is awareness: stop and listen how you talk to yourself or state your intentions. Do you use a lot of shoulds, oughts, needs, or gottas? What is your gut reaction to these phrases? How do you feel?

Note: Sometimes need is the right word. It can go both ways, so a gut-check will tell you if it’s the proper motivational phrase for you.

Me, I’m a bit contrary. If someone tells me I really should do something (even if I know it’s a good idea), I’m liable to think (but usually not say) “Nuh UH!” or even “Oh yeah? Watch me do the opposite just to spite you!” I even feel this way a bit when I tell myself I ought to do something. My natural contrariness rears its head and despite all my good intentions I don’t move forward.

The second step is changing your language. This requires awareness (the first step) and then deliberate effort and thought to create more meaningful and motivational self-talk. For instance, instead of saying “I really ought to clean out my car” you could try one of the following statements and check how you feel in response:

  • I deserve a clean car.
  • I dare to clean out my car.
  • I choose to clean out my car.
  • I intend to clean out my car.
  • I will clean out my car.
  • (What other phrases motivate you?)

These statements are much stronger and in control. The put you in the driver’s seat, instead of placing you as the poor victim of your list of needs, shoulds, and oughts.

What language do you use to motivate yourself?

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Self-Kindness

Jun 14

Posted by Laura in blessing, choice, clarity, failure, joy, Mindfulness, momentum, Powerful questions | No Comments

“You idiot!” Have you ever said this to yourself after doing something foolish (or, in my case, after a klutz attack)? How often do you beat yourself up over inconsequential things, past failures, or some perceived lack?

It seems a lot of people are harder on themselves than they would be to anyone around them. It’s apparently second nature to be harsh to ourselves, whereas we would not say something that unforgiving to a friend or loved one. How come we have such difficulty being kind to ourselves? Why are we so unforgiving when we make a mistake?

Lately, I’ve been making a conscious, deliberate effort to be kind to myself. My key question when I’m being self-negative: “Would I tolerate a friend talking to me the way I’m talking to me?” (If the answer is “no,” that’s my indicator that I am being overly rigid and unkind.) I’ve been working on releasing certain feelings that don’t serve me: irritation at my body for aches and pains, frustration and worry about not being able to control certain aspects of my future, and anger and pain over some recent losses. I acknowledge the emotions as being a natural response, but instead of letting them put me in a cave of resentment, I release them so that I can step up to something more empowering.

Suddenly, I have a lot of energy to move forward! Worry, anger, and frustration, when turned inward, consume a lot of thought and energy, without necessarily leading to action (going into that cave of resentment or into a shame spiral). Stepping out of that vicious circle releases an enormous amount of power to propel one forward. I see a lot more possibilities, opportunities, and joy when I move in this new direction.

What might change in your life if you started being kinder to yourself?

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Making Space

May 18

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, balance, blessing, change, choice, clarity, Coaching, Creativity, Mindfulness, Path, planning, Powerful questions, time, Uncategorized | No Comments

When there is something big you want to create in your life, how do you make room for it? If you want to start your own business, get married, travel a lot, have children, start a new hobby, and so on, how do you create space for it? I’m talking beyond just wedging it into your calendar, saving money, or clearing out a corner of your home.

I’ll give a personal example. For a long time, I’ve held space in my heart and in my dreams for motherhood. In talking with my husband about having a child, he asked a great question: “How will we have a kid when we’re so busy as it is? How will we fit it in?” I realized then that something that large and life-changing doesn’t just get “penciled in” to our existing life. We must create space for it, giving up certain things and changing others so that we might be healthy, whole, and ready.

So I began paring down my responsibilities, specifically by deciding not to step up for officer roles in various professional organizations I belong to. I did some reading about fertility, learned how to chart, started taking prenatal vitamins, and tried to eat better and exercise more. I had some appointments with my doctors to deal with various issues I was concerned with. I put some money in a savings account to use during maternity leave.

I’m going through a similar process of making choices with my business right now. I am evaluating my commitments and side projects, winnowing some down so I can focus on my core interests and my best work. It’s a little bittersweet at times, saying goodbye to something that was fun but no longer moves me in the direction I want to go. But it opens new doors of opportunity, and that’s quite exciting to me!

I’ve blogged before about setting a goal and making sure it is SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timed). Coaching is a way to help people set goals, figure out a plan, and track toward achieving it. Making space is a critical step that might get overlooked by some. We can’t keep cramming our lives full of stuff to do without occasionally weeding some things out and changing others.

What do you do to make space? What do you make space for?

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The Gentle Art of Receiving

Apr 18

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, blessing, clarity, joy, Mindfulness, openness, receiving, Uncategorized | No Comments

I’m a giver and a go-getter, and I bet most of you are, too. I work hard for what I want, and I give a lot to others. I sometimes struggle with receiving, and I know I’m not the only one.

When I took the Millionaire Mind Intensive seminar a few years ago, I noted that the trainer made sure that we all practiced receiving. Some of our affirmations included being a good giver and an excellent receiver, as well asking the universe to send us the share of someone who wasn’t ready to receive.

Being ready to receive is more than just finally getting something you want and celebrating that fact. It’s about being gracious and grateful. It’s about being humble and accepting a gift (in any form) without the need to pay it back (or forward) or give something in exchange. It’s about being grateful for even the smallest moment of abundance in your life. This is tricky! It can feel downright uncomfortable.

I began to experience a mindful approach to receiving shortly before my wedding in fall 2000. I realized that on that special day, I would be the center of attention and the recipient of a lot of good wishes and celebration. Thankfully, I relied on my Southern heritage and manners: I practiced graciously accepting compliments and good wishes at my bridal shower, and then I put those skills to good use on the big day! I found it a little uncomfortable to simply receive compliments (and gifts!), and it was a very interesting experience to do so.

How many times in our lives do we deflect a genuine compliment by down-playing ourselves or turning the focus to the other person, rather than simply saying, “Thank you!” and enjoying the feeling? How often do you feel ever so slightly guilty accepting a gift or favor? Do you perhaps keep a mental tally of who owes who a favor or special treat?

Every day you have the opportunity to receive. Take advantage of this opportunity with mindfulness and intentionality. Practice receiving with gratitude, and start to notice the abundance that comes to you. When you begin gratefully receiving, the universe will start to send more your way! As you notice what you have been graced with, you will see more of it. As you receive, you might find yourself giving more selflessly, as well as going after what you want more intentionally because you are ready to receive it and are no longer afraid to ask for it!

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More on Balance

Mar 30

Posted by Laura in balance, change, choice, clarity, confidence, Goals, Mindfulness, Powerful questions, Purpose, time | No Comments

Today’s entry is a guest blog from my friend and colleague Julie Seibert of Healing through Organization. She helps people with the mental blocks that can keep us from organizing our world. She had this to say about my blog post on Creating Balance:

I take a holistic approach with organizing and suggest people start with their mind. This means living in the present and not spending time in fear and anxiety. I consider this an important step in getting inside and outside organized. These questions by Geneen Roth are written on a whiteboard in my office. When making a decision I reflect on these questions.

1. Does it lead me toward a fuller life or confine me?
2. Does it bring me closer to my heart or take me further away?
3. Does it open me or close me?
4. Does it allow me to trust myself further or does it make me frightened of myself?
5. Does it enlarge my life or does it make my life smaller?

Take some time to reflect who and what is important in your life. Who nourishes you? Spend time with the people who uplift you. Invited to events you don’t want to go to? Don’t. It is your choice.

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Creating Balance

Mar 27

Posted by Laura in balance, blessing, choice, clarity, Coaching, definition, joy, Mindfulness, Powerful questions, time | No Comments

(Originally published at FemCentral, which is a terrific site you should bookmark and return to often!)

Life balance has become a sort of holy grail in modern times. It’s hard to recognize it when we experience it, but we all know when we’re out of balance. Feeling overwhelmed, extra-stressed, drained, demoralized, and burned out are just some of the feelings that indicate a dramatic unbalance. So what is life balance, and how can we get some?

To start with, life balance is not time management. Life balance is not about fitting everything in, or saying “yes” to everything, or even allotting equal time to different parts of your life (work/family being an obvious example). It’s about knowing when to say “yes” and when to say “no.” This includes taking stock of the things that are important to you and making sure they are priorities in your life. Time and task management do not equal life balance, but they can be tools for helping you maintain it.

Whenever an opportunity comes up–a request to do something, volunteer opportunities, classes, work opportunities, anything at all–you have a choice of saying “yes” or “no.” Many people want to please or help others, like the feeling of being asked, want to feel accomplished or rewarded, or sometimes just feel obligated, so they almost automatically say “yes” to everything. It can be wonderful to experience growth and accomplishment from your commitments. But if you say “yes” to everything, you will very quickly find yourself overwhelmed, which can push you into crisis mode.

Some mindfulness and some intentionality when making commitments or accepting responsibilities offers a lot of clarity. Ask yourself the following questions when any kind of opportunity comes your way:

1. If I say “yes” to this, what else am I saying “yes” to? What am I saying “no” to?
2. If I say “no” to this, what am I saying “yes” to? What else am I saying “no” to?

It can be difficult to remember these yes/no options as things come up, so try asking yourself these questions about something that is already on your plate. You may find that there are more benefits than you thought to something you’ve agreed to; conversely, there may be higher costs associated with a task or responsibility. Don’t be afraid to let go of a responsibility or commitment that is no longer serving you.

I have found that when asking myself these yes/no questions before making a commitment, my values really start to show up. The things that are truly important to me make themselves known, and I can make a much more informed decision. It’s far more profound than just listing pros and cons. If I can see clearly what saying “yes” or “no” does for me on a personal level, then I can either accept joyfully or turn away from it with a sense of peace and wholeness.

Another key concept in life balance is prioritizing the things that are important to you. Steven Covey talks about this in his book First Things First: you don’t just prioritize the schedule, you schedule the priorities. Think about your life and the things that are important to you. If you want to be sure to be there in your roles as wife, mother, friend, healthy person, and spiritual seeker (to name a few of the many roles available to us), then you need to make sure your calendar reflects those commitments. If you believe that family is the most important thing, but your schedule is filled with extra work assignments, lots of networking, and business travel, you will feel the stress and disconnect of not sharing yourself with your family. A calendar review (weekly, monthly, however frequently you like) with your various roles and values in mind can really serve you in creating space in your life for all the things that are important. You can raise your awareness about your wants and needs and make sure that you have committed time to experience them in your life.

As you move forward with these techniques and some mindful intentionality in applying them in your life, you will experience several shifts. Shifts in your thinking will lead to new feelings, which create new actions and new results. You may find that your relationships grow and deepen when you make them a priority. You might stop feeling guilty when you say “no.” And you may end up with far more meaningful opportunities coming your way because you can wisely discern the ones that are right for you.

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