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Archive for category Mindfulness

A Bigger Game

Mar 13

Posted by Laura in Coaching, Creativity, Dreaming, Making an impact, Mindfulness, Powerful questions, Uncategorized, blessing, change, clarity, joy, momentum, performance, planning, resistance | 2 Comments

Recently I completed some fantastic training on Energy Leadership with iPEC in New Jersey. Like most coach training, we learn techniques and concepts and then practice on each other, which opens the door for a lot of new learning, breakthroughs, and transformative thinking! A major takeaway for me from the weekend was this: It’s time for me to play a bigger game.

I have been stagnating in a few areas of my life and not stepping up to the plate with my true potential. I’ve been playing it safe, going with “good enough,” and making a lot excuses for not going bigger. I dug a comfortable little hidey hole in my complacency and fear. I have allowed certain beliefs and thoughts to hold me back.

The experience of new training and new thinking challenged me in these areas. It was really uncomfortable, and I felt a lot of resistance at first–which means that is precisely where I need to grow. Once I realized that I was playing small, it became more and more evident to me based on some feelings (and actions) I have had lately.

Now I’m completely energized and excited about the next phase of my life game.

So I hereby make this promise: I promise to play bigger. For myself, for my clients, for the world.

How will you show up for a bigger game in your life?

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Snowbound

Feb 1

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, Creativity, Mindfulness, Uncategorized, blessing, nature, weather | No Comments

As of today, I have been snowbound for three days. We got a rare heavy snowstorm starting Friday night, and about 6-8 inches of accumulation. It’s absolutely beautiful! Luckily, the power has stayed on, so we have “weathered” (hyuk hyuk) the storm in great comfort. We had plenty of groceries, and even got a new snow shovel before it arrived.

I have reveled in this break from the busy-ness of everyday life. My calendar was mostly cleared of appointments–the two remaining ones have been rescheduled. I had lots of work to do here at home, plus some cleaning projects, a full TiVo, and a stack of books to read. I haven’t been bored at all, nor have I had cabin fever (I credit that to many, many snow days with no TV when I was growing up). I welcome the opportunity to slow down for a few days. It’s a rare luxury.

Think of Henry David Thoreau, who isolated himself from mainstream society for over two years at Walden Pond. (He still received visitors and made visits himself; he didn’t live as a hermit.) His time there inspired his classic masterpiece, Walden, which covers his thoughts on self-reliance and simple living.

When we’re given a chance to slow down a bit, what can we do? What creativity comes forth? What do you notice about your regular life when you’re offered a respite from it?

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Mulligans

Jan 27

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, Mindfulness, Resolution, blessing, change, clarity, failure, joy, love | No Comments

I hereby declare “do-overs” for January 2010. Yep, we are starting over, rebooting the year. Mulligans for all!

All around me, people are having a rough start to the new year. Many were bidding adieu (and good riddance) to a difficult 2009, and then 2010 starts off with a few hard punches to the gut. Around me I see lost jobs, breakdowns, deaths, ended relationships, and diminished resources, not to mention the obvious natural disasters. Mercury is in retrograde, I hear. Perhaps we can blame it on that.

Last night at a local meeting, I had the privilege of hearing the fantastic Mary Cantando speak. One of the points she made that stuck with me was that when something bad happens, try to look for the silver lining, specifically by saying (aloud) “Three good things about this are…” Once you say it out loud, the good things start to flow from your brain. When you can consistently look for the good, it can help you balance the bad and not let it get hold of you.

Three good things about a very hard month?

  1. Difficulties around us bring out the very best in humanity (giving, caring, loving).
  2. We are reminded that every moment of our (normal, mundane) lives is incredibly precious.
  3. We are challenged to grow larger than the problems that try to derail us.

We won’t get do-overs for January, but perhaps we don’t really need them. We can and will rebuild and create something wonderful, among the rubble of the pain, loss, and heartache. This is what defines success: not avoiding being knocked down, but continually getting back up after it (inevitably) happens.

The Three D’s: Delegate

Jan 18

Posted by Laura in Mindfulness, balance, clarity, performance, planning, time | No Comments

There is a task management mantra that many people swear by (including me, and some of my clients). If you are feeling overwhelmed, start implementing the three D’s: delete, defer, and delegate. Write it across the top of your week or month in your planner or calendar, so you are reminded of it as you review your tasks.

I’ve used and recommended this technique for while, and it seems fairly simple, but there can be surprising depth in this simple process, so I have decided to explore it in a short series of blog posts. I’ve previously discussed the first D (delete) and the second D (defer).

The third D: delegate. If a task cannot be deleted or easily deferred until later, consider delegating it to someone else. I find this option to be a little harder than deferring, but not quite as difficult as deleting. Here’s why: delegating a task to someone else means letting go of it. Sometimes, letting go feels like relinquishing responsibility, and that can engender some guilty feelings.

Instead, look at it this way: if you delegate a task, what does that free up for you? Letting someone else do it will create more space in your planner and your life. What could you do with that time and space?

A good example: last year, I met and then hired a virtual assistant to help me with office work a few hours a month. I’m still learning to think in terms of delegating tasks to her, which is a challenge. What I have found is that when she completes a task for me, she does it in about a fourth to a half the amount of time I would take to do it. This frees me up to do higher-level billable work and creative thinking. As I tell people, she works ON my business, so I can work IN my business. Because of this, I am learning to thing bigger and my creativity is flowing, because I know she can handle the smaller details that distract me!

Some other places one can delegate (even if you don’t have underlings at work!):

  1. Hire a CPA (worth every penny)
  2. Get a cleaning service
  3. Find a virtual assistant
  4. Get a personal organizer (extremely helpful)
  5. Assign the kids more chores

What are some creative ways to delegate tasks?

The Three D’s: Defer

Jan 12

Posted by Laura in Goals, Mindfulness, Uncategorized, balance, performance, planning, time | No Comments

There is a task management mantra that many people swear by (including me, and some of my clients). If you are feeling overwhelmed, start implementing the three D’s: delete, defer, and delegate. Write it across the top of your week or month in your planner or calendar, so you are reminded of it as you review your tasks.

I’ve used and recommended this technique for while, and it seems fairly simple, but there can be surprising depth in this simple process, so I have decided to explore it in a short series of blog posts. I’ve previously discussed the first D, delete.

The second D: defer. If a task or appointment cannot be deleted, consider whether it can be deferred until later. If it can be easily moved and will significantly help you out, go for it. Reschedule it!

This choice, in my opinion, is the easiest to make. Deleting an item entirely can be difficult to do, but deferring it until later is much easier on our consciences. It’s often easier to defer than to delegate, and thus “let go” of a task we have claimed responsibility for. I think many people (myself included) defer most of our to-do list when necessary (rather than deleting or delegating).

When deferring a task, it would serve us well to defer it only briefly and only once, so it doesn’t linger until it becomes a house-on-fire-must-handle-immediately task later on down the road. It can be far too easy to get in a vicious circle of moving from one crisis to another, putting out fires on a daily (even hourly) basis. That adrenaline rush lifestyle, however, is ultimately not sustainable. After a while, we end up crashing, hard, and doing nothing at all simply as a way to recuperate. Then we are at the extremes of either doing everything all at once, or nothing at all, neither of which serves us. The truth is, we all have to find an optimal mix of important, urgent, not important, and not urgent things to fill our time.

It’s also far too easy to defer all the fun things in favor of not-so-fun things. How many times do we cancel lunch with a friend, “date night,” or goofing-off time because other things seem “more important?” When looking at your planner and deciding what to defer, think hard before deferring these items that might bring some delight (the fourth D?) into your day. It may seem super-easy to cancel that lunch date with your pal, but consider this: Do you want some levity and fellowship in the day? How important is that meeting to your friendship? Would it give you some balance?

If you defer something more than a few times, you might need to check in with yourself: Why is this task constantly deferred? Is it truly important? If it is, why haven’t I done it yet? What would it take to get it done?

The Three D’s: Delete

Jan 5

Posted by Laura in Goals, Mindfulness, Uncategorized, balance, clarity, confidence, planning, resistance, time | 2 Comments

There is a task management mantra that many people swear by (including me, and some of my clients). If you are feeling overwhelmed, start implementing the three D’s: delete, defer, and delegate. Write it across the top of your week or month in your planner or calendar, so you are reminded of it as you review your tasks.

I’ve used and recommended this technique for while, and it seems fairly simple, but there can be surprising depth in this simple process, so I have decided to explore it in a short series of blog posts. Let’s jump right in, shall we?

The first D: delete. This is fairly obvious–get rid of those things on your calendar or to-do list that you can really do without. Sometimes it can be surprisingly difficult to make this cut. We find it much easier to defer until later, or delegate to someone else. We tend to overcommit, we like to be involved, we want to say “yes” to everything. Suddenly, our calendar can fill up with the usual assortment of appointments, get-togethers, parties, meals, and all kinds of other events. If we do a lot of business networking or are self-employed, the list of appointments and tasks gets even longer. Suddenly the days are chopped up with a lot of busy-work, and not enough real meat to the day. Ever feel like you were running around a lot, but not really accomplishing anything? I know that feeling well. It leads to burnout, where you then end up doing nothing at all just to recuperate.

“But wait,” you might be protesting, “if I put a task on my calendar or in a list, then clearly I need to do it, I must do it, and therefore I can’t possibly delete it.” How can you approach your task list with an eye for removing some items?

You can, of course, begin by asking yourself question like, “Is it truly necessary? Does it have a big/immediate payoff? What’s in it for me?” Those can help you do a preliminary cull (or figure out what to defer or delegate).

It’s more enlightening to ask yourself something like “If I say NO to this task, what does that open up for me?” and “What do I want more of in my life? What am I willing to trade off to get it?” These kind of questions work particularly well if you look at standing commitments–things you do every week or month, or even just once or twice a year.

For example, I used to volunteer regularly at my local classical music station, every time they had a call-in fundraiser. At the time, I listened to the station a lot while I was working, and I like giving my time to help out, even when it took a significant portion of my workday. After a few years, I realized I was only agreeing to volunteer because I felt bad saying “no”–even though I no longer listened to the station! I was able to decline the next request to volunteer and reclaim a bit of my schedule.

It is difficult to say “no.” However, if you have thought through your needs and desires and can say “no” from a place of wholeness and love, you will open up new possibilities for your personal growth and joy. You will allow yourself to be your best because you can choose and commit to things with intention and mindfulness.

How do you cut items from your list or planner?

You Say You Want a Resolution

Dec 28

Posted by Laura in Coaching, Goals, Mindfulness, Resolution, Uncategorized, change, holiday, momentum, planning | No Comments

The calendar year is nearly finished, with a new one looming immediately. Your thoughts might be turning to New Year’s resolutions. I’ve heard many people say, “I don’t make resolutions, since I never keep them, so then I don’t feel guilty.” Others make a lot of resolutions and then keep one or two. Some might make resolutions and then promptly forget them. And some people use the opportunity of New Year’s resolutions to make a real change in their lives.

I am a fan of resolutions! I feel that if they are made properly, with the right mindset and with an action plan, they can help a person grow. So here, without further ado, is my completely unofficial handy-dandy guide to make a resolution that you can (more likely) stick with.

1. Ditch any thoughts that begin with “I should,” “I ought to,” or “I really need to…” If you’re nagging yourself before even making the resolution, your chances of keeping it are pretty low.

2. Ask yourself: “What do I want more of in my life?” and “Where can I grow?” Asking yourself a positive question like this will lead to you being more likely to stick to a goal. Instead of just “denying” yourself something (quit smoking, stop biting your nails), commit to something positive! For instance, if you want more joy in your daily life, you might resolve to do something you really enjoy once a week, like playing golf or watching a movie in a theater. If you do want to do something like lose weight, you can put it in a positive framework, perhaps by saying, “I resolve to improve my health and wear a size 8 by end of next year.”

3. Make your resolution SMART: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-limited. If it doesn’t meet these criteria, then it’s not likely you will achieve your goal. Remember, your resolutions (like all your goals) should be something within your control! Resolving to win the lottery is useless, as that is not in your control. Resolving to buy a lottery ticket every week certainly is in your control.

4. Ask yourself the critical follow-up question: “How will I achieve this?” This is the lynchpin that can keep your goal linked to reality. A pie-in-the-sky goal like “I resolve to make a million dollars this year” doesn’t do anything for you if you don’t have a plan for achieving it. Follow up a good resolution with a plan for action! For instance, if you resolve to shave 10 points off your golf game, you might create an action plan that involves some lessons with a pro, more time at the driving range, and watching some videos to help you improve your putting.

5. Put it on paper. Write down your resolution; put action benchmarks in your planner, so you can check in throughout the year. When you write something down, it becomes more real to you. Writing something is a deliberate act, and little more mindful than just saying something out loud. You can also make a “dream board” with pictures of your achieved goals, to help motivate you.

6. Get some accountability! Got a buddy with the same resolution? Check in with each other! This works particularly well if you want to learn a new skill (take a class together, practice together) or do something like lose weight (gym buddies) or stop smoking (support group).

Always remember, you don’t have to wait until January 1 to get started on a new resolution. There are new years starting every day! Some notable new years include Chinese New Year (lunar new year), which is on February 14, 2010; several cultures celebrate new year on the vernal equinox. There is also Rosh Hashanah (Jewish new year), Samhain (Celtic new year), and of course, your own birthday.

Anyone want to share their resolutions in the comments? I’m always intrigued! In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll share three of mine.

1. I resolve to work hard on my business so that my average monthly income doubles.

2. I resolve to work on and complete at least one monk’s cloth embroidery project.

3. I resolve to cook a real meal every other week (husband agreed to do the same!).

The Value of the Experience (or, Doing versus Having)

Dec 13

Posted by Laura in Mindfulness, Uncategorized, blessing, cars, experience, food, holiday, joy, love, openness | 1 Comment

As this holiday season approaches like a freight train, I find myself avoiding the shopping. In years past, I have begun Christmas shopping in July or so, so I could be sure to pick the perfect gift. In more recent years, “things” became far less important to me, and this year, that is even more the case. My mom asked for me to make a charitable donation in her honor, which I will do for several more family members as well. I usually do a pie exchange with my dad. My sister and I agreed to just get each other two pairs of crazy socks (our favorite). My niece and nephew will get gift cards. Husband and I agreed to just love each other more than ever and spend time together this holiday season (he’s impossible to shop for, anyway). For several others, we commit to having a nice meal together soon.

As I grow older (and more breathtakingly intelligent ;) ) I am less attached to things. I find more joy in experiences (being or doing, instead of having and owning). The ephemeral nature of something experienced is a powerful, treasured memory. My memories turn into stories. And I love to tell stories (it’s a family thing!). I find myself growing and becoming more than I am, due to experiences!

In the past few years, I’ve found joy in some of the following experiences. (Feel free to try these in your own life, and share what experiences you enjoy!)

Food. I’m turning into a budding foodie. After watching a lot of Top Chef and Hell’s Kitchen, I became fascinated with fine dining and food experiences. So I created a Gourmet Club with two girlfriends. Once a month, we go out to a really nice restaurant. We take turns picking the place and making the reservation. We may order whatever we like, but must be prepared to share a bite or two when asked. Formerly a picky eater, I have committed myself to trying new things! For instance, I’ve now eaten (and enjoyed) foie gras (yummmm!), Brussels sprouts, escargots, veal, and more. However, I still don’t care for scallops. This kind of experience is so much fun and has really helped me open up my horizons! (Also, for local folks: I’m happy to make restaurant recommendations!) I also enjoyed a knife skills class at a local cooking school, and I’m looking to learn more.

Reading. I have been a member of a book club since 1995! We read fiction, meet once a month, and discuss. This wonderful group of fabulous women has spawned a lot of deep friendships, not to mention amazing discussions of books! Because we read a wide variety of genres, the group has helped me reach beyond my comfort zone and grow. I’m a big fan of my local library, and friends loan me books all the time. It’s a unique excitement to find out one of your favorite authors has a new book out (right now: new Barbara Kingsolver!).

Cars. I realize this sounds more like a “thing” than an “experience.” Bear with me, here. I love cars. LOVE ‘em. Inherited this love from my dad, bless him. I love to watch Top Gear

Hot Car

Hot Car

and indulge myself. I enjoy car shows. In November I got to do something truly amazing: take a four-hour tour in three different supercars (through a group called Supercar Sensation in Charlotte). I drove a Ferrari 360 Spyder, an Aston Martin Vantage, and the new Nissan GT-R. (If you care about these things, the Nissan was, hands down, the best car of the day.) This is precisely how I want to experience cars like this–in a tour, on back roads, just getting a feel for them. I don’t want to race them (although I do want to try a track day) or own one, I just want to experience them for a while. Next up: a tour with the Lamborghini Gallardo, a Porsche 911 Turbo, and an AMG-tuned Mercedes!

What experiences do you treasure? What activities or experiences offer joy for you?

Authentic voice

Dec 2

Posted by Laura in Communications, Creativity, Mindfulness, confidence | No Comments

Since I launched my Archer Coaching blog, set up a Facebook fan page for my business, and even joined Twitter, I found myself struggling to find my authentic voice and express it. I began by doing what a lot (an awful lot) of life coaches do on social media: post thought-provoking quotations or deep questions. And you could hear the crickets chirping… Not much of a response. Usually no response at all.

One day as I struggled to create an appropriate “life-coachy” kind of Twitter update, I realized something: I was boring! I was bored by my own postings, and I can’t imagine that anyone else would get much from them. My own voice was not shining through. I thought, “I am way more interesting than it appears based on these lame status updates!”

So I have rethought my approach. I will continue to have appropriate blog postings and Facebook business page updates–not too many of them. But I will bring my real voice here. After all, who I am is more important, in the long run, than what I have to say. As I know from my personal Facebook page, being my real self is much more fun (and gets a better response) than trying to maintain a stiff facade.

So, dear readers, you might notice my odd sense of humor come through more in these postings. Not to mention my love of 50-cent words, fierce defense of grammar, occasionally snarky comment, my willingness to laugh a lot and love fiercely, and my appreciation for a really bad joke. I will try to keep the swearing to a minimum (sometimes my authentic voice can out-curse a sailor or a pirate).

In the interest of generating comments, please share how you find or use your authentic voice in your life or business.

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>Speaking Skills: Antianxiety

Oct 19

Posted by Laura in Communications, Mindfulness, professional image, public speaking, speaking | No Comments

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Key 4: Antianxiety

Presentation time is looming! You have worked on your mindset and intentions, planned your material out, and practiced. You have a firm grip on your content, and it’s starting to come together nicely in the time allotment. As the date and time for your actual presentation get closer, you might start to feel a familiar nervousness. Here are some techniques to reduce anxiety in the days and moments leading up to your presentation!

  • Remember your mindset techniques: The audience wants to hear what you have to say, you offer value to them with your content, and you are “keyed up.”
  • If you tend to think in terms of worst-case scenarios, counter it by imagining the best that can happen. Take ownership of your success!
  • Before speaking, take deep, slow breaths. Inhale through your nose, hold for a second or two, and exhale through your mouth. If you practice yoga breathing, you may find those techniques useful. Focus on your breathing to calm down, slow your heart rate. Use these deep breaths to get centered before speaking. This will also help you be mindful and present in your body, which can then cut down on unconscious fidgeting, swaying, and other giveaways of your nerves!
  • Have a bottle or glass of water near you when speaking. One sign of nervousness is a dry mouth, which can, unfortunately, lead to “smacking” sounds as you try to enunciate your words. Sipping water will help you prevent this, as well as forcing you to make pauses at key points. Note that you should sip the water, not chug it–you don’t want to suddenly feel a very urgent call of nature during your presentation. Avoid dairy-based drinks before speaking, they cause a lot of mucus production and require a lot of throat-clearing.
  • Try an antianxiety acupressure technique: the thigh rub. If you’re starting to feel panicky before your presentation, discreetly place a hand (or both) on the top of your thigh. Press down with the heel of your hand, and rub from the top of your thigh down toward your knee. Repeat as necessary. This is an acupressure technique for reducing anxiety (you can search for more acupressure techniques with Google). You can’t really do it during your speech (you’ll be bobbing up and down a lot if you do), but it can work to calm you down beforehand.
  • Do you have other postures or gestures that calm you down? Employ them as necessary. For example, when I am calm and relaxed, I frequently find that my thumb is tucked between my first and second fingers. It’s an unconscious posture when I’m already relaxed. Sometimes I will deliberately do this to bring on a calming sensation. If something like this works for you, by all means, use it to your advantage!
  • A little aromatherapy (body lotion, cologne, or some other scent that won’t disturb others) can be a powerful mechanism for reducing anxiety. If I’m wearing my favorite cologne, a discreet sniff of my inner wrist brings on the delightfully peaceful feelings associated with the scent (the human sense of smell is powerfully evocative of certain emotions). Lavender and ylang ylang are particularly calming for most people.
  • Still a tad nervous? Think this: “Ok, in 10 minutes [30 minutes, 1 hour], I am done, for better or worse, and I won’t have to worry about it any more!”
  • Finally, if you are still nervous to give your speech, think of it as a performance, as if you are acting. Put on the persona of someone who is supremely confident, and then perform. Many actors are actually very shy, introverted people who feel more comfortable pretending to be someone else. You can do the same in a presentation. “Fake it ‘til you make it” has a big core of truth in it when it comes to boosting confidence. Adopt the persona of a confident speaker, and you will be the real thing before you know it.
Next key: Performance