Archer Coaching

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Archive for category resistance

The Three D’s: Delete

Jan 5

Posted by Laura in Goals, Mindfulness, Uncategorized, balance, clarity, confidence, planning, resistance, time | 2 Comments

There is a task management mantra that many people swear by (including me, and some of my clients). If you are feeling overwhelmed, start implementing the three D’s: delete, defer, and delegate. Write it across the top of your week or month in your planner or calendar, so you are reminded of it as you review your tasks.

I’ve used and recommended this technique for while, and it seems fairly simple, but there can be surprising depth in this simple process, so I have decided to explore it in a short series of blog posts. Let’s jump right in, shall we?

The first D: delete. This is fairly obvious–get rid of those things on your calendar or to-do list that you can really do without. Sometimes it can be surprisingly difficult to make this cut. We find it much easier to defer until later, or delegate to someone else. We tend to overcommit, we like to be involved, we want to say “yes” to everything. Suddenly, our calendar can fill up with the usual assortment of appointments, get-togethers, parties, meals, and all kinds of other events. If we do a lot of business networking or are self-employed, the list of appointments and tasks gets even longer. Suddenly the days are chopped up with a lot of busy-work, and not enough real meat to the day. Ever feel like you were running around a lot, but not really accomplishing anything? I know that feeling well. It leads to burnout, where you then end up doing nothing at all just to recuperate.

“But wait,” you might be protesting, “if I put a task on my calendar or in a list, then clearly I need to do it, I must do it, and therefore I can’t possibly delete it.” How can you approach your task list with an eye for removing some items?

You can, of course, begin by asking yourself question like, “Is it truly necessary? Does it have a big/immediate payoff? What’s in it for me?” Those can help you do a preliminary cull (or figure out what to defer or delegate).

It’s more enlightening to ask yourself something like “If I say NO to this task, what does that open up for me?” and “What do I want more of in my life? What am I willing to trade off to get it?” These kind of questions work particularly well if you look at standing commitments–things you do every week or month, or even just once or twice a year.

For example, I used to volunteer regularly at my local classical music station, every time they had a call-in fundraiser. At the time, I listened to the station a lot while I was working, and I like giving my time to help out, even when it took a significant portion of my workday. After a few years, I realized I was only agreeing to volunteer because I felt bad saying “no”–even though I no longer listened to the station! I was able to decline the next request to volunteer and reclaim a bit of my schedule.

It is difficult to say “no.” However, if you have thought through your needs and desires and can say “no” from a place of wholeness and love, you will open up new possibilities for your personal growth and joy. You will allow yourself to be your best because you can choose and commit to things with intention and mindfulness.

How do you cut items from your list or planner?

Resistance and Being Right

Dec 9

Posted by Laura in Coaching, change, openness, reality TV, resistance, right | No Comments

I’ve been thinking for a while of having an occasional series here on my blog, loosely titled “Things I Have Learned Watching Reality TV.” I do watch reality TV, and I like the good stuff–a lot of business shows (early Apprentice, some Dragon’s Den, etc.), cooking shows (Hell’s Kitchen, Top Chef, Chef Academy), and creative competitions (Project Runway, Launch My Line, even America’s Next Top Model). (Okay, I’ll admit to the rapturous schadenfreude of watching America’s Funniest Home Injuries Videos, from which I’ve learned quite a litany of useful things: avoid trampolines, never dance on tables, porch swings are trouble, stay away from pinatas, and so on.)

One of my most recent favorite shows is on Bravo, and it’s called Tabatha’s Salon Takeover. It’s a bit like Kitchen Nightmares, except for hair salons. The extremely talented stylist and businesswoman Tabatha Coffey (always sleek in black, ice blonde hair, clipped Australian accent) comes in and takes over for a week. There are staff meetings, discussions, assessments of skills, renovations, and usually some tears and resistance. Most of the time, her changes make a real difference in the salon, as evidenced when she returns about six weeks after to see how things are going.

Last night’s episode involved a salon owner in Florida, who absolutely hated her staff (spied on them, harassed them, and so on). She expected them to fail, and only had negative things to say consistently. She brought in Tabatha just to have someone take her side. When Tabatha didn’t buy it, the owner flat-out refused to change. In fact, she reversed much of the renovation and all the other changes that Tabatha made. Her staff were miserable. The owner herself was miserable–yet somehow delighted that she hadn’t changed at all. She was convinced she was “right” and wouldn’t hear of anything to the contrary.

I felt so sad for this woman. She has become toxic in her own business, toxic to her employees, and toxic to herself. She had a rigid view of her situation and was not interested in any other viewpoints. She wanted easy answers and someone to confirm her paranoia. People like her may say they “want” a coach or a consultant, but they really don’t. They want to be right, and they want that validated.

Not long ago, I was challenged by another coach to let go of being “right” in a situation that had really irked me. I knew I was right, and I kept protesting that fact. It was painful to be challenged on it–and absolutely what I needed to hear. I struggled with it. I asked myself: “If I let go of being right, what more can I become? Can I become larger than this issue?” It was an eye-opening process. It helped me let go of being right (with difficulty), so that I became more. What resulted was a whole new path out of the situation that ultimately ended up serving everyone involved.

Where can we let go of being right? What might that lead to in our lives?