Archer Coaching

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Balanced by Relationships

May 24

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, Uncategorized, balance, blessing, choice, difference, joy, love, openness, relationship | No Comments

I have blogged about life balance before, and I give presentations on that topic as well. I also spend time thinking about how my relationships with various people provide a supportive balance to me as a person.

Most of my friends have heard me wax poetic about how my darling husband is very different from me — in a way that I appreciate, because I feel it makes us a good team. He’s very relaxed and laid-back and thinks in terms of the big picture. I’m assertive, a go-getter, and detail-oriented. He lives in the moment, I tend to pace toward the future. He tends to think things through very carefully, sometimes taking a long time to make a decision. I tend to be rather impulsive and impatient! We have been together 15 years now, and I have come to love these differences. Just by being himself, he helps me relax and enjoy things as they are. We have many things in common, but the differences keep it interesting. I started to respect, honor, and cherish our differences when I went through coach training and began to perceive things differently.

My sister is another case in point. We are only 14 months apart in age, and we couldn’t be more different. We inverted most of the standard older child/younger child dynamics (she’s younger, but was much bolder than I was). We have dealt with common issues in our family, of course, but beyond that we are extremely different. We fought like cats and dogs growing up, of course, and we could never live in the same house again without maiming each other (if the last time we tried that is any indication). Over the years, I have come to truly value our differences, as she gives me a totally unique perspective on things. If we had met as strangers, I don’t know if we would have become friends — the differences would have made it seem as if we had nothing in common. As sisters, our relationship is all over the place, in a good way! We are starting to discover the things that we do have in common now.

My book group, of which I have been a member for 15 years, is another great example. We have a wide range of women in the group — some are mothers, some are grandmothers, some have never had kids. We have marrieds, divorceds, and never marrieds. Some young, some older, some in between. A variety of hobbies and careers are represented. The discussion is always lively. Heated disagreements, loud laughter, and a lot of thinking and interpreting. It’s a monthly discussion that really challenges and stimulates me because of all the differences in perception.

Enough about me! What relationships balance you? Whom do you love because of (not in spite of) your differences?

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Making Space

May 18

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, Coaching, Creativity, Mindfulness, Path, Powerful questions, Uncategorized, balance, blessing, change, choice, clarity, planning, time | No Comments

When there is something big you want to create in your life, how do you make room for it? If you want to start your own business, get married, travel a lot, have children, start a new hobby, and so on, how do you create space for it? I’m talking beyond just wedging it into your calendar, saving money, or clearing out a corner of your home.

I’ll give a personal example. For a long time, I’ve held space in my heart and in my dreams for motherhood. In talking with my husband about having a child, he asked a great question: “How will we have a kid when we’re so busy as it is? How will we fit it in?” I realized then that something that large and life-changing doesn’t just get “penciled in” to our existing life. We must create space for it, giving up certain things and changing others so that we might be healthy, whole, and ready.

So I began paring down my responsibilities, specifically by deciding not to step up for officer roles in various professional organizations I belong to. I did some reading about fertility, learned how to chart, started taking prenatal vitamins, and tried to eat better and exercise more. I had some appointments with my doctors to deal with various issues I was concerned with. I put some money in a savings account to use during maternity leave.

I’m going through a similar process of making choices with my business right now. I am evaluating my commitments and side projects, winnowing some down so I can focus on my core interests and my best work. It’s a little bittersweet at times, saying goodbye to something that was fun but no longer moves me in the direction I want to go. But it opens new doors of opportunity, and that’s quite exciting to me!

I’ve blogged before about setting a goal and making sure it is SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timed). Coaching is a way to help people set goals, figure out a plan, and track toward achieving it. Making space is a critical step that might get overlooked by some. We can’t keep cramming our lives full of stuff to do without occasionally weeding some things out and changing others.

What do you do to make space? What do you make space for?

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The Gentle Art of Receiving

Apr 18

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, Mindfulness, Uncategorized, blessing, clarity, joy, openness, receiving | No Comments

I’m a giver and a go-getter, and I bet most of you are, too. I work hard for what I want, and I give a lot to others. I sometimes struggle with receiving, and I know I’m not the only one.

When I took the Millionaire Mind Intensive seminar a few years ago, I noted that the trainer made sure that we all practiced receiving. Some of our affirmations included being a good giver and an excellent receiver, as well asking the universe to send us the share of someone who wasn’t ready to receive.

Being ready to receive is more than just finally getting something you want and celebrating that fact. It’s about being gracious and grateful. It’s about being humble and accepting a gift (in any form) without the need to pay it back (or forward) or give something in exchange. It’s about being grateful for even the smallest moment of abundance in your life. This is tricky! It can feel downright uncomfortable.

I began to experience a mindful approach to receiving shortly before my wedding in fall 2000. I realized that on that special day, I would be the center of attention and the recipient of a lot of good wishes and celebration. Thankfully, I relied on my Southern heritage and manners: I practiced graciously accepting compliments and good wishes at my bridal shower, and then I put those skills to good use on the big day! I found it a little uncomfortable to simply receive compliments (and gifts!), and it was a very interesting experience to do so.

How many times in our lives do we deflect a genuine compliment by down-playing ourselves or turning the focus to the other person, rather than simply saying, “Thank you!” and enjoying the feeling? How often do you feel ever so slightly guilty accepting a gift or favor? Do you perhaps keep a mental tally of who owes who a favor or special treat?

Every day you have the opportunity to receive. Take advantage of this opportunity with mindfulness and intentionality. Practice receiving with gratitude, and start to notice the abundance that comes to you. When you begin gratefully receiving, the universe will start to send more your way! As you notice what you have been graced with, you will see more of it. As you receive, you might find yourself giving more selflessly, as well as going after what you want more intentionally because you are ready to receive it and are no longer afraid to ask for it!

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A Bigger Game

Mar 13

Posted by Laura in Coaching, Creativity, Dreaming, Making an impact, Mindfulness, Powerful questions, Uncategorized, blessing, change, clarity, joy, momentum, performance, planning, resistance | 2 Comments

Recently I completed some fantastic training on Energy Leadership with iPEC in New Jersey. Like most coach training, we learn techniques and concepts and then practice on each other, which opens the door for a lot of new learning, breakthroughs, and transformative thinking! A major takeaway for me from the weekend was this: It’s time for me to play a bigger game.

I have been stagnating in a few areas of my life and not stepping up to the plate with my true potential. I’ve been playing it safe, going with “good enough,” and making a lot excuses for not going bigger. I dug a comfortable little hidey hole in my complacency and fear. I have allowed certain beliefs and thoughts to hold me back.

The experience of new training and new thinking challenged me in these areas. It was really uncomfortable, and I felt a lot of resistance at first–which means that is precisely where I need to grow. Once I realized that I was playing small, it became more and more evident to me based on some feelings (and actions) I have had lately.

Now I’m completely energized and excited about the next phase of my life game.

So I hereby make this promise: I promise to play bigger. For myself, for my clients, for the world.

How will you show up for a bigger game in your life?

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Thinking Bigger: The VA Experience

Feb 19

Posted by Laura in Communications, Creativity, Uncategorized, change, clarity, experience, momentum, planning, professional image, success | No Comments

Loyal blog readers may remember some time ago that I posted about the three D’s of task management: delete, defer, and delegate. Well, I’ve had some serious experience with delegating recently. I hired a virtual assistant (VA) several months ago. The different in my business, my approach to it, and my personal growth has been startling! I want to share my experiences here, partly to sing the praises of VAs and partly to show how a simple change can bring about profound learning.

Virtual assistants can do all kinds of support work for a businessperson. Without getting into too much detail, they can offer administrative support, some Web work, design, event planning, phone calls, documentation, you name it. I found my VA through a local networking group, and we signed a contract by which she provides me 4 hours of her services each month. How I ask her to use the time is up to me. So far, I have had her work on both of my Web sites (which were recently relaunched in Wordpress), design promotional flyers for and assist with some training events, optimize my profile on some business networking sites, make phone calls and perform some research, and create a PowerPoint presentation from some extremely raw text. I plan to have her help me with a newsletter, more slide presentations, and some marketing tasks in the future!

What surprised me in the process of making use of this support is how much it helped me grow! The lessons ran deeper than I could have imagined (and are still revealing themselves to me). Here are some of them.

  • I was pushed (in a good way) to let go of something and trust another person to handle it. I’ve been self-employed for 14 years, and because I’ve always had to handle everything, it’s fair to say I became a bit of a control freak. I’m so used to handling it all–it was a challenge to let something go. When I was able to do so, a lot of new, exciting opportunities for my time and energy opened up!
  • I became more engaged in my best work. Because I now have support around the details and busy-work of my company, I have more of my brain power and heart invested in the actual work–that of coaching. I no longer have to fret over details because I have a trusted person to handle them for me. I can truly focus on serving my clients.
  • I opened the door to more profitability. I was shocked when I realized that my VA could spend 1 hour on something that would take me 4 or more hours (and a lot of frustration) to get done. I can use those 4 hours to do billable work! Also, because she can support me with excellent work, I’ve accelerated my plans on a lot of my business-building ideas, which will bring more clients to me.
  • I began to see more possibilities in my business. As I was challenged to come up with tasks for my VA (she works so fast!), I started to see a lot more opportunities for myself and my business. Currently, she is developing a slide presentation for me from very raw text and images. This will be published on SlideShare and available for free to anyone who is interested. Before I met my VA, I doubt I ever would have considered this. I don’t like slides, and I don’t know how to use PowerPoint well, and it would have perpetually been put on the back burner. Now it’s happening! More creative ideas are coming to me all the time, and I’m energized to attack them.
  • I started thinking like a bigger company. Suddenly, I have “people.” I can take on bigger projects, bigger commitments because I have support in other areas. I feel more professional. I’ve widened my playing field. This has opened up even more opportunities, and I find I’m incredibly excited and engaged with my business all over again!

Obviously, I recommend a good VA if you need or want some support in your business. As you think about the cost of hiring someone, weight it against the immediate benefits of getting things done, and remember to think about the bigger picture advantages!

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Snowbound

Feb 1

Posted by Laura in Appreciation, Creativity, Mindfulness, Uncategorized, blessing, nature, weather | No Comments

As of today, I have been snowbound for three days. We got a rare heavy snowstorm starting Friday night, and about 6-8 inches of accumulation. It’s absolutely beautiful! Luckily, the power has stayed on, so we have “weathered” (hyuk hyuk) the storm in great comfort. We had plenty of groceries, and even got a new snow shovel before it arrived.

I have reveled in this break from the busy-ness of everyday life. My calendar was mostly cleared of appointments–the two remaining ones have been rescheduled. I had lots of work to do here at home, plus some cleaning projects, a full TiVo, and a stack of books to read. I haven’t been bored at all, nor have I had cabin fever (I credit that to many, many snow days with no TV when I was growing up). I welcome the opportunity to slow down for a few days. It’s a rare luxury.

Think of Henry David Thoreau, who isolated himself from mainstream society for over two years at Walden Pond. (He still received visitors and made visits himself; he didn’t live as a hermit.) His time there inspired his classic masterpiece, Walden, which covers his thoughts on self-reliance and simple living.

When we’re given a chance to slow down a bit, what can we do? What creativity comes forth? What do you notice about your regular life when you’re offered a respite from it?

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The Three D’s: Defer

Jan 12

Posted by Laura in Goals, Mindfulness, Uncategorized, balance, performance, planning, time | No Comments

There is a task management mantra that many people swear by (including me, and some of my clients). If you are feeling overwhelmed, start implementing the three D’s: delete, defer, and delegate. Write it across the top of your week or month in your planner or calendar, so you are reminded of it as you review your tasks.

I’ve used and recommended this technique for while, and it seems fairly simple, but there can be surprising depth in this simple process, so I have decided to explore it in a short series of blog posts. I’ve previously discussed the first D, delete.

The second D: defer. If a task or appointment cannot be deleted, consider whether it can be deferred until later. If it can be easily moved and will significantly help you out, go for it. Reschedule it!

This choice, in my opinion, is the easiest to make. Deleting an item entirely can be difficult to do, but deferring it until later is much easier on our consciences. It’s often easier to defer than to delegate, and thus “let go” of a task we have claimed responsibility for. I think many people (myself included) defer most of our to-do list when necessary (rather than deleting or delegating).

When deferring a task, it would serve us well to defer it only briefly and only once, so it doesn’t linger until it becomes a house-on-fire-must-handle-immediately task later on down the road. It can be far too easy to get in a vicious circle of moving from one crisis to another, putting out fires on a daily (even hourly) basis. That adrenaline rush lifestyle, however, is ultimately not sustainable. After a while, we end up crashing, hard, and doing nothing at all simply as a way to recuperate. Then we are at the extremes of either doing everything all at once, or nothing at all, neither of which serves us. The truth is, we all have to find an optimal mix of important, urgent, not important, and not urgent things to fill our time.

It’s also far too easy to defer all the fun things in favor of not-so-fun things. How many times do we cancel lunch with a friend, “date night,” or goofing-off time because other things seem “more important?” When looking at your planner and deciding what to defer, think hard before deferring these items that might bring some delight (the fourth D?) into your day. It may seem super-easy to cancel that lunch date with your pal, but consider this: Do you want some levity and fellowship in the day? How important is that meeting to your friendship? Would it give you some balance?

If you defer something more than a few times, you might need to check in with yourself: Why is this task constantly deferred? Is it truly important? If it is, why haven’t I done it yet? What would it take to get it done?

The Three D’s: Delete

Jan 5

Posted by Laura in Goals, Mindfulness, Uncategorized, balance, clarity, confidence, planning, resistance, time | 2 Comments

There is a task management mantra that many people swear by (including me, and some of my clients). If you are feeling overwhelmed, start implementing the three D’s: delete, defer, and delegate. Write it across the top of your week or month in your planner or calendar, so you are reminded of it as you review your tasks.

I’ve used and recommended this technique for while, and it seems fairly simple, but there can be surprising depth in this simple process, so I have decided to explore it in a short series of blog posts. Let’s jump right in, shall we?

The first D: delete. This is fairly obvious–get rid of those things on your calendar or to-do list that you can really do without. Sometimes it can be surprisingly difficult to make this cut. We find it much easier to defer until later, or delegate to someone else. We tend to overcommit, we like to be involved, we want to say “yes” to everything. Suddenly, our calendar can fill up with the usual assortment of appointments, get-togethers, parties, meals, and all kinds of other events. If we do a lot of business networking or are self-employed, the list of appointments and tasks gets even longer. Suddenly the days are chopped up with a lot of busy-work, and not enough real meat to the day. Ever feel like you were running around a lot, but not really accomplishing anything? I know that feeling well. It leads to burnout, where you then end up doing nothing at all just to recuperate.

“But wait,” you might be protesting, “if I put a task on my calendar or in a list, then clearly I need to do it, I must do it, and therefore I can’t possibly delete it.” How can you approach your task list with an eye for removing some items?

You can, of course, begin by asking yourself question like, “Is it truly necessary? Does it have a big/immediate payoff? What’s in it for me?” Those can help you do a preliminary cull (or figure out what to defer or delegate).

It’s more enlightening to ask yourself something like “If I say NO to this task, what does that open up for me?” and “What do I want more of in my life? What am I willing to trade off to get it?” These kind of questions work particularly well if you look at standing commitments–things you do every week or month, or even just once or twice a year.

For example, I used to volunteer regularly at my local classical music station, every time they had a call-in fundraiser. At the time, I listened to the station a lot while I was working, and I like giving my time to help out, even when it took a significant portion of my workday. After a few years, I realized I was only agreeing to volunteer because I felt bad saying “no”–even though I no longer listened to the station! I was able to decline the next request to volunteer and reclaim a bit of my schedule.

It is difficult to say “no.” However, if you have thought through your needs and desires and can say “no” from a place of wholeness and love, you will open up new possibilities for your personal growth and joy. You will allow yourself to be your best because you can choose and commit to things with intention and mindfulness.

How do you cut items from your list or planner?

You Say You Want a Resolution

Dec 28

Posted by Laura in Coaching, Goals, Mindfulness, Resolution, Uncategorized, change, holiday, momentum, planning | No Comments

The calendar year is nearly finished, with a new one looming immediately. Your thoughts might be turning to New Year’s resolutions. I’ve heard many people say, “I don’t make resolutions, since I never keep them, so then I don’t feel guilty.” Others make a lot of resolutions and then keep one or two. Some might make resolutions and then promptly forget them. And some people use the opportunity of New Year’s resolutions to make a real change in their lives.

I am a fan of resolutions! I feel that if they are made properly, with the right mindset and with an action plan, they can help a person grow. So here, without further ado, is my completely unofficial handy-dandy guide to make a resolution that you can (more likely) stick with.

1. Ditch any thoughts that begin with “I should,” “I ought to,” or “I really need to…” If you’re nagging yourself before even making the resolution, your chances of keeping it are pretty low.

2. Ask yourself: “What do I want more of in my life?” and “Where can I grow?” Asking yourself a positive question like this will lead to you being more likely to stick to a goal. Instead of just “denying” yourself something (quit smoking, stop biting your nails), commit to something positive! For instance, if you want more joy in your daily life, you might resolve to do something you really enjoy once a week, like playing golf or watching a movie in a theater. If you do want to do something like lose weight, you can put it in a positive framework, perhaps by saying, “I resolve to improve my health and wear a size 8 by end of next year.”

3. Make your resolution SMART: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-limited. If it doesn’t meet these criteria, then it’s not likely you will achieve your goal. Remember, your resolutions (like all your goals) should be something within your control! Resolving to win the lottery is useless, as that is not in your control. Resolving to buy a lottery ticket every week certainly is in your control.

4. Ask yourself the critical follow-up question: “How will I achieve this?” This is the lynchpin that can keep your goal linked to reality. A pie-in-the-sky goal like “I resolve to make a million dollars this year” doesn’t do anything for you if you don’t have a plan for achieving it. Follow up a good resolution with a plan for action! For instance, if you resolve to shave 10 points off your golf game, you might create an action plan that involves some lessons with a pro, more time at the driving range, and watching some videos to help you improve your putting.

5. Put it on paper. Write down your resolution; put action benchmarks in your planner, so you can check in throughout the year. When you write something down, it becomes more real to you. Writing something is a deliberate act, and little more mindful than just saying something out loud. You can also make a “dream board” with pictures of your achieved goals, to help motivate you.

6. Get some accountability! Got a buddy with the same resolution? Check in with each other! This works particularly well if you want to learn a new skill (take a class together, practice together) or do something like lose weight (gym buddies) or stop smoking (support group).

Always remember, you don’t have to wait until January 1 to get started on a new resolution. There are new years starting every day! Some notable new years include Chinese New Year (lunar new year), which is on February 14, 2010; several cultures celebrate new year on the vernal equinox. There is also Rosh Hashanah (Jewish new year), Samhain (Celtic new year), and of course, your own birthday.

Anyone want to share their resolutions in the comments? I’m always intrigued! In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll share three of mine.

1. I resolve to work hard on my business so that my average monthly income doubles.

2. I resolve to work on and complete at least one monk’s cloth embroidery project.

3. I resolve to cook a real meal every other week (husband agreed to do the same!).

Interview

Dec 19

Posted by Laura in Uncategorized | No Comments

On December 1, I was interviewed by Marvin Miles about speaking and coaching.

You can check out the interview (audio streaming file) here: http://www.extraordinaryspeakersnetwork.com.