Archer Coaching

Coaching you on your path to joyful abundance.

Archive for category Uncategorized

The Three D’s: Defer

Jan 12

Posted by Laura in balance, Goals, Mindfulness, performance, planning, time, Uncategorized | No Comments

There is a task management mantra that many people swear by (including me, and some of my clients). If you are feeling overwhelmed, start implementing the three D’s: delete, defer, and delegate. Write it across the top of your week or month in your planner or calendar, so you are reminded of it as you review your tasks.

I’ve used and recommended this technique for while, and it seems fairly simple, but there can be surprising depth in this simple process, so I have decided to explore it in a short series of blog posts. I’ve previously discussed the first D, delete.

The second D: defer. If a task or appointment cannot be deleted, consider whether it can be deferred until later. If it can be easily moved and will significantly help you out, go for it. Reschedule it!

This choice, in my opinion, is the easiest to make. Deleting an item entirely can be difficult to do, but deferring it until later is much easier on our consciences. It’s often easier to defer than to delegate, and thus “let go” of a task we have claimed responsibility for. I think many people (myself included) defer most of our to-do list when necessary (rather than deleting or delegating).

When deferring a task, it would serve us well to defer it only briefly and only once, so it doesn’t linger until it becomes a house-on-fire-must-handle-immediately task later on down the road. It can be far too easy to get in a vicious circle of moving from one crisis to another, putting out fires on a daily (even hourly) basis. That adrenaline rush lifestyle, however, is ultimately not sustainable. After a while, we end up crashing, hard, and doing nothing at all simply as a way to recuperate. Then we are at the extremes of either doing everything all at once, or nothing at all, neither of which serves us. The truth is, we all have to find an optimal mix of important, urgent, not important, and not urgent things to fill our time.

It’s also far too easy to defer all the fun things in favor of not-so-fun things. How many times do we cancel lunch with a friend, “date night,” or goofing-off time because other things seem “more important?” When looking at your planner and deciding what to defer, think hard before deferring these items that might bring some delight (the fourth D?) into your day. It may seem super-easy to cancel that lunch date with your pal, but consider this: Do you want some levity and fellowship in the day? How important is that meeting to your friendship? Would it give you some balance?

If you defer something more than a few times, you might need to check in with yourself: Why is this task constantly deferred? Is it truly important? If it is, why haven’t I done it yet? What would it take to get it done?

The Three D’s: Delete

Jan 5

Posted by Laura in balance, clarity, confidence, Goals, Mindfulness, planning, resistance, time, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

There is a task management mantra that many people swear by (including me, and some of my clients). If you are feeling overwhelmed, start implementing the three D’s: delete, defer, and delegate. Write it across the top of your week or month in your planner or calendar, so you are reminded of it as you review your tasks.

I’ve used and recommended this technique for while, and it seems fairly simple, but there can be surprising depth in this simple process, so I have decided to explore it in a short series of blog posts. Let’s jump right in, shall we?

The first D: delete. This is fairly obvious–get rid of those things on your calendar or to-do list that you can really do without. Sometimes it can be surprisingly difficult to make this cut. We find it much easier to defer until later, or delegate to someone else. We tend to overcommit, we like to be involved, we want to say “yes” to everything. Suddenly, our calendar can fill up with the usual assortment of appointments, get-togethers, parties, meals, and all kinds of other events. If we do a lot of business networking or are self-employed, the list of appointments and tasks gets even longer. Suddenly the days are chopped up with a lot of busy-work, and not enough real meat to the day. Ever feel like you were running around a lot, but not really accomplishing anything? I know that feeling well. It leads to burnout, where you then end up doing nothing at all just to recuperate.

“But wait,” you might be protesting, “if I put a task on my calendar or in a list, then clearly I need to do it, I must do it, and therefore I can’t possibly delete it.” How can you approach your task list with an eye for removing some items?

You can, of course, begin by asking yourself question like, “Is it truly necessary? Does it have a big/immediate payoff? What’s in it for me?” Those can help you do a preliminary cull (or figure out what to defer or delegate).

It’s more enlightening to ask yourself something like “If I say NO to this task, what does that open up for me?” and “What do I want more of in my life? What am I willing to trade off to get it?” These kind of questions work particularly well if you look at standing commitments–things you do every week or month, or even just once or twice a year.

For example, I used to volunteer regularly at my local classical music station, every time they had a call-in fundraiser. At the time, I listened to the station a lot while I was working, and I like giving my time to help out, even when it took a significant portion of my workday. After a few years, I realized I was only agreeing to volunteer because I felt bad saying “no”–even though I no longer listened to the station! I was able to decline the next request to volunteer and reclaim a bit of my schedule.

It is difficult to say “no.” However, if you have thought through your needs and desires and can say “no” from a place of wholeness and love, you will open up new possibilities for your personal growth and joy. You will allow yourself to be your best because you can choose and commit to things with intention and mindfulness.

How do you cut items from your list or planner?

You Say You Want a Resolution

Dec 28

Posted by Laura in change, Coaching, Goals, holiday, Mindfulness, momentum, planning, Resolution, Uncategorized | No Comments

The calendar year is nearly finished, with a new one looming immediately. Your thoughts might be turning to New Year’s resolutions. I’ve heard many people say, “I don’t make resolutions, since I never keep them, so then I don’t feel guilty.” Others make a lot of resolutions and then keep one or two. Some might make resolutions and then promptly forget them. And some people use the opportunity of New Year’s resolutions to make a real change in their lives.

I am a fan of resolutions! I feel that if they are made properly, with the right mindset and with an action plan, they can help a person grow. So here, without further ado, is my completely unofficial handy-dandy guide to make a resolution that you can (more likely) stick with.

1. Ditch any thoughts that begin with “I should,” “I ought to,” or “I really need to…” If you’re nagging yourself before even making the resolution, your chances of keeping it are pretty low.

2. Ask yourself: “What do I want more of in my life?” and “Where can I grow?” Asking yourself a positive question like this will lead to you being more likely to stick to a goal. Instead of just “denying” yourself something (quit smoking, stop biting your nails), commit to something positive! For instance, if you want more joy in your daily life, you might resolve to do something you really enjoy once a week, like playing golf or watching a movie in a theater. If you do want to do something like lose weight, you can put it in a positive framework, perhaps by saying, “I resolve to improve my health and wear a size 8 by end of next year.”

3. Make your resolution SMART: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-limited. If it doesn’t meet these criteria, then it’s not likely you will achieve your goal. Remember, your resolutions (like all your goals) should be something within your control! Resolving to win the lottery is useless, as that is not in your control. Resolving to buy a lottery ticket every week certainly is in your control.

4. Ask yourself the critical follow-up question: “How will I achieve this?” This is the lynchpin that can keep your goal linked to reality. A pie-in-the-sky goal like “I resolve to make a million dollars this year” doesn’t do anything for you if you don’t have a plan for achieving it. Follow up a good resolution with a plan for action! For instance, if you resolve to shave 10 points off your golf game, you might create an action plan that involves some lessons with a pro, more time at the driving range, and watching some videos to help you improve your putting.

5. Put it on paper. Write down your resolution; put action benchmarks in your planner, so you can check in throughout the year. When you write something down, it becomes more real to you. Writing something is a deliberate act, and little more mindful than just saying something out loud. You can also make a “dream board” with pictures of your achieved goals, to help motivate you.

6. Get some accountability! Got a buddy with the same resolution? Check in with each other! This works particularly well if you want to learn a new skill (take a class together, practice together) or do something like lose weight (gym buddies) or stop smoking (support group).

Always remember, you don’t have to wait until January 1 to get started on a new resolution. There are new years starting every day! Some notable new years include Chinese New Year (lunar new year), which is on February 14, 2010; several cultures celebrate new year on the vernal equinox. There is also Rosh Hashanah (Jewish new year), Samhain (Celtic new year), and of course, your own birthday.

Anyone want to share their resolutions in the comments? I’m always intrigued! In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll share three of mine.

1. I resolve to work hard on my business so that my average monthly income doubles.

2. I resolve to work on and complete at least one monk’s cloth embroidery project.

3. I resolve to cook a real meal every other week (husband agreed to do the same!).

Interview

Dec 19

Posted by Laura in Uncategorized | No Comments

On December 1, I was interviewed by Marvin Miles about speaking and coaching.

You can check out the interview (audio streaming file) here: http://www.extraordinaryspeakersnetwork.com.

The Value of the Experience (or, Doing versus Having)

Dec 13

Posted by Laura in blessing, cars, experience, food, holiday, joy, love, Mindfulness, openness, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

As this holiday season approaches like a freight train, I find myself avoiding the shopping. In years past, I have begun Christmas shopping in July or so, so I could be sure to pick the perfect gift. In more recent years, “things” became far less important to me, and this year, that is even more the case. My mom asked for me to make a charitable donation in her honor, which I will do for several more family members as well. I usually do a pie exchange with my dad. My sister and I agreed to just get each other two pairs of crazy socks (our favorite). My niece and nephew will get gift cards. Husband and I agreed to just love each other more than ever and spend time together this holiday season (he’s impossible to shop for, anyway). For several others, we commit to having a nice meal together soon.

As I grow older (and more breathtakingly intelligent ;) ) I am less attached to things. I find more joy in experiences (being or doing, instead of having and owning). The ephemeral nature of something experienced is a powerful, treasured memory. My memories turn into stories. And I love to tell stories (it’s a family thing!). I find myself growing and becoming more than I am, due to experiences!

In the past few years, I’ve found joy in some of the following experiences. (Feel free to try these in your own life, and share what experiences you enjoy!)

Food. I’m turning into a budding foodie. After watching a lot of Top Chef and Hell’s Kitchen, I became fascinated with fine dining and food experiences. So I created a Gourmet Club with two girlfriends. Once a month, we go out to a really nice restaurant. We take turns picking the place and making the reservation. We may order whatever we like, but must be prepared to share a bite or two when asked. Formerly a picky eater, I have committed myself to trying new things! For instance, I’ve now eaten (and enjoyed) foie gras (yummmm!), Brussels sprouts, escargots, veal, and more. However, I still don’t care for scallops. This kind of experience is so much fun and has really helped me open up my horizons! (Also, for local folks: I’m happy to make restaurant recommendations!) I also enjoyed a knife skills class at a local cooking school, and I’m looking to learn more.

Reading. I have been a member of a book club since 1995! We read fiction, meet once a month, and discuss. This wonderful group of fabulous women has spawned a lot of deep friendships, not to mention amazing discussions of books! Because we read a wide variety of genres, the group has helped me reach beyond my comfort zone and grow. I’m a big fan of my local library, and friends loan me books all the time. It’s a unique excitement to find out one of your favorite authors has a new book out (right now: new Barbara Kingsolver!).

Cars. I realize this sounds more like a “thing” than an “experience.” Bear with me, here. I love cars. LOVE ‘em. Inherited this love from my dad, bless him. I love to watch Top Gear

Hot Car

Hot Car

and indulge myself. I enjoy car shows. In November I got to do something truly amazing: take a four-hour tour in three different supercars (through a group called Supercar Sensation in Charlotte). I drove a Ferrari 360 Spyder, an Aston Martin Vantage, and the new Nissan GT-R. (If you care about these things, the Nissan was, hands down, the best car of the day.) This is precisely how I want to experience cars like this–in a tour, on back roads, just getting a feel for them. I don’t want to race them (although I do want to try a track day) or own one, I just want to experience them for a while. Next up: a tour with the Lamborghini Gallardo, a Porsche 911 Turbo, and an AMG-tuned Mercedes!

What experiences do you treasure? What activities or experiences offer joy for you?