i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

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I am a well-organized person who uses a planner, to-do lists, and goals. I’m prompt and focused. I’m used to knowing. In school, knowing the answer was a place of power for me (and I almost always knew the answer).

Becoming a coach has really challenged my sense of security about knowing. The whole point of being a coach is that I don’t have to know–the client does. Being a good coach means floating in the moment, trusting your intuition, and being present for the client in a way that brings forth his or her genius. There is no script for this, no set way to do it. Which means: I don’t know the answers, and sometimes I don’t know what questions to ask. But I’m finding infinite possibilities within the not knowing. If I don’t have preconceived notions, if I can let go of having “the answer,” the “right” thing to say or do, then the door is open wide for the client to step up.

In addition to becoming comfortable with not knowing in a coaching framework, I am facing it in my personal life as well. I’m a new parent. I’m co-creating a relationship with my daughter (and husband) each day. When I can let go of the need to know, then I find I can simply let my daughter be herself, right here, right now. We can enjoy each other deeply.

Embracing the uncertainty of not knowing is terrifying… and ultimately, freeing.

If you let go of needing to know and embrace the not-knowing (or just dip your toes in), what does that open up for you?

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The Sound of an Empty House

By Richard Dansky

There are a lot of things that make a house home. There’s the look of the place. There’s our stuff, in its familiar arrangement. There are familiar smells, the ones you keep coming back to – even the ones that are suspiciously like “oh God, the cat’s protesting the oppressive nature of the litterbox again” – that come together to make the mental picture that instantly, irrevocably says “home”.

Sound’s a big part of that, too. An area that we’re familiar with makes familiar sounds. We know how long a sound takes to echo and die there, how loud you have to yell to call someone in the next room, how long a single sound is supposed to live down to the nanosecond.

Of course, changing things changes how long sound bounces around even a medium-sized living room. Move a piece of furniture, add a bookshelf there – even tiny changes are changes, and our gut recognizes them even if our brain doesn’t. It takes a while to settle back down when the acoustic map of a long-familiar place changes while we wait for our hindbrains to decide that yes, this is still the safe zone it used to be before the curio cabinet went four feet to the left and the dining room table lost a leaf. No doubt this knack was of tremendous use to our ancestors, who could use it to notice that a large short-faced bear had moved into the cave and react accordingly.

All of which would have remained entirely academic (except possibly for my interest in short-faced bears) if we weren’t getting our carpet replaced. Which meant moving all the furniture out of the big living room/dining room. While my wife was out of town for work. Which meant that I came home to a house that looked different – the carpets had been taken up but the new floors not yet put down, that smelled different (like I said, the, uh, carpets had been taken up), where none of the pieces were in their familiar places, and that most of all, sounded different. Carpet gone, furniture moved, and the first floor was suddenly an echo chamber. The clatter of ice cubes into a glass rattled around and around; a closed door was thunderous. The cats wandered counterclockwise and yowled confusion – why was the floor hard? Where had their favorite perches gone? What was happening?

And every sound on the first floor of the house was just wrong, and my lizard brain screamed “Predator! Watch out!” every time I made a noise. I found myself tiptoeing around, gently moving dishes, dealing in hush and quiet to keep from involuntarily jumping out of my skin.

All of which is academic, of course. In a couple of days the furniture will be back. I’ll have gotten the new arrangement wired in as “home”. And the cats, walnut-brained adorable monsters that they are, will forget.

But the reminder that even small changes can take a place that’s known intimately and make it uncanny and strange, well, that’s worth remembering. And not just because a family of short-faced cave bears might be moving in down the block.

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A guest post from Stephanie McDilda of Roving Coach International.

1. Focus on you. Have you ever noticed how just when you need to talk about a problem or an issue, your friend wants to chime in with their story? “Well if you think that’s bad, let me tell you what happened to me!” A coach will focus on you and your story, sharing examples only if they help you learn and grow.

2. Listen professionally. A good coach is a trained professional listener. They hear what you are saying and help you listen to yourself.

3. Be honest with you! “But my friends are all honest with me . . . aren’t they?” Sometimes the people who are closest to you may want to avoid hurting you. They may fear losing your friendship. And frankly, because they like you so much, they may see only your good points.

4. Be objective. When it comes to your personal and professional life, your friends are far from neutral. If you are considering a career change that may move you across the country, it will be hard for your best friend to be impartial as they help you decide.

5. Avoid commiserating. It’s nice to have someone to dump on when you’re down or have had a hard day. A coach will be there in the bad times as well as the good. A coach, however, knows when and how to gently push you out of your pity party and into positive action.

6. Move you to action. Like your best friend, your coach wants to hear your dreams and goals. It is the rare best friend that will guide you toward a plan and concrete “do-able” actions. Coaching without action is just a pleasant conversation.

7. Develop a structured relationship with purpose. While meeting with your coach will be fun, there is a definite purpose for your getting together. That purpose may be to help you solve a problem, or reach a goal, or pursue your dream. Whatever you are seeking, your coach will work to keep you focused and moving forward.

8. Hold you accountable. A coach is not a parent. Your coach will work with you as an adult, expecting you to keep commitments and take action. Many people move forward successfully just from knowing that they have made a verbal commitment to another person.

9. Avoid judgment. You coach will be unconditionally supportive. They will be your cheerleader when you succeed and a gentle encourager when you fall down.

10. Celebrate your success. With luck, all of your friends will be happy, excited and proud of your success. Unfortunately, however, even those people who care for you may occasionally feel threatened or jealous of your accomplishments. Your coach will always rejoice in your triumphs!

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In my coaching practice, one of the areas I frequently focus on with clients is life balance. It seems a tad ironic (or perhaps karmic) that my own life is so completely out of balance right now. But a wise colleague told me a story about Steven Covey. Apparently, Covey’s daughter called him in a panic after her child was born, and he told her that sometimes you are supposed to be utterly out of balance. Clearly, the trial-by-fire that is new parenthood is one of those times.

How do we cope with those massively out-of-balance times?

At the moment, I try to remember that I do not need to overcome this, I need to become something new (we are never overcoming, we are always becoming). I will not get back to the “way things used to be.” A change this large creates a new state of being. Adding the role of mother is an enormous shift in my identity, tasks, and self-image. That can’t be done overnight, obviously. I will co-create this role with my daughter–she will teach me how to be a mom to her. It also helps to remember that life balance is not a fixed state that one attains and then holds steady. I gave up some things (some permanently, some temporarily) to be a mom, and that certainly shifted the balance in my life. Most important, I am reminding myself to cherish these moments of my daughter’s new life–as crazy as it makes my own life–because they will go by incredibly quickly.

What things have made you out of balance? How did you grow from those experiences? How have they shaped what you are today?



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Day 7: What Does Archer Coaching Offer?

Archer Coaching offers professional coaching and development services provided by Laura Poole, ACC. This blog post details some of what I provide, my mission and vision, and my target clients.

Vision

I have a vision of engaged communities where people are fulfilled by meaningful work and live balanced, joyful lives in alignment with their values.

Mission

To achieve my vision, I provide coaching to motivated professionals who seek to create a meaningful career path (whether that’s moving forward, moving up, or moving on) and balance their work with the other aspects of their lives in a joyous and sustainable way.

Ideal Clients

I enjoy coaching working professionals in all fields and at all levels. I choose to work with motivated people who want to create significant, purposeful work and make sure it is balanced with the rest of their lives, so the whole picture is one of joyful abundance. I frequently work with the self-employed, knowledge workers, creative people, entrepreneurs, and managers (not just executives).

Individual Coaching

The core of Archer Coaching is working with individuals. I provide a variety of ways to support clients, including half-hour and hour-long phone and Skype sessions, in-person sessions, and email check-ins. Anyone can try a complimentary sample session to explore whether coaching is right for them. I offer packages of sessions that include a la carte (purchased individually, used as desired by client) or regularly scheduled twice a month or four times a month. I have a large variety of exercises available to support clients, including a Life Plan overview and a Values Elicitation tool.

Energy Leadership Index

A powerful tool for personal insight and growth is the Energy Leadership Index assessment from iPEC. Laura is a Master Practitioner of this tool and can help you take the assessment, debrief and explain the results, and work with you (through the Energy Leadership Development System) to develop a personally effective style of ideal leadership. See the Energy Leadership pages on this site for more information.

Group and Team Coaching

Laura is also trained in providing team coaching. If you have a work or community team that is moving toward a common goal, consider what coaching for the group can accomplish. Team coaching uses coaching principles to tap into the synergistic “group think” and engage all the members, allowing creativity to flow, new thoughts and possibilities explored, and more to be accomplished.

Corporate Coaching

Through my affiliation with Roving Coach, I offer on-the-job coaching to corporate clients. In this exciting model for in situ coaching, I am available on site or virtually to any employee of a company who contracts with Roving Coach. I provide half-hour focused sessions as needed, on any issue the worker feels moved to get support for. (For more information about Roving Coach, go to their web site.)

More

In addition to core coaching services, I also offer workshops and seminars (see Speaking page for prepared topics), as well as articles (available at Ezinearticles.com) and other writing. I have a recorded teleclass on Life Balance available (see Products page), and a book coming out in mid-year 2011, Effective Coaching, 2nd edition (for managers, from McGraw-Hill).

Interested in learning more about Archer Coaching’s services? Contact Laura for more information or to schedule a complimentary session!

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Day 6: My Path to Coaching and My Approach

My path to becoming a coach was rather roundabout. I have an established career as a professional book copy editor, and for a while I had my own direct sales business as well. After a particularly grueling quarter with some difficult projects and a lot of extra work, I was exhausted and extremely frustrated. I felt like I was doing the same old thing over and over! I started thinking about what I really wanted, and I began to realize that I wanted my work to make a difference in the world and have an impact in people’s lives. I was getting tempting little tastes of it here and there, and I decided to ramp that up! The only problem was, I wasn’t sure what path would allow me to do that. Should I find a job somewhere? Go back to school? Try something entirely different? At that point “keep doing what I’m doing” was not an attractive option!

In what turned out to be a life-changing meeting, I attended the national conference for my sales company and met a wonderful trainer. I was struck by her enthusiasm and creative ideas, so I made a point of going up to her and asking point-blank if there was any way I could work for her! She said, “I need coaches with your sales experience” (to coach other direct sellers). Ding ding ding! The more I thought over this option, the more appealing it became. I could use my communication skills, combine them with my desire to work with people, and really help clients transform their lives for the better!

My new mentor insisted I take an ICF-accredited coach training course, and I’m so glad I did! I learned the foundation of true coaching: supporting the client to unlock his or her own genius! I’ve been able to work as a coach since 2007, and immediately loved it. In 2008 I started Archer Coaching, my own coaching practice, for working with professionals to create a meaningful career and a balanced life. In 2010, I earned my Associate Certified Coach credential from the International Coach Federation and began working with Roving Coach to offer coaching in corporations.

My approach to coaching is simple: I believe the client is whole, resourceful, and wise. My job is to help unleash a client’s inner genius by asking the right questions, providing a new viewpoint, and supporting him or her on the path to achievement. I am constantly amazed at what people can create, and how they make things happen in their lives. It’s an honor and a privilege to be a part of that. Coaching as a career is an excellent fit for my natural enthusiasm, optimism, curiosity, and desire to learn.

Tomorrow: What Does Archer Coaching Offer?

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Day 5: Are You Coachable?

One of the first things I learned in my coach training is to work with the willing. Not everyone wants or is ready for coaching. Those who want coaching might not be very coachable. The people who get the most out of coaching have a certain set of characteristics. If you’re interested in coaching, ask yourself the following questions to find out if you would truly benefit (coachable people will answer “yes” to most or all).

Do you have a compelling vision and a clear goal?

Do you know what you want? If you aren’t sure what you want, it is difficult (or impossible) to create it. There’s only so far you can go before you’ll get stuck. If you have a vague idea, spend some time crafting your vision of how you want things to be. When you have a clearer picture, you will be ready for coaching. If all you can think is “I just want it to be different than it is now!” or “I don’t want this!” then definitely spend some time imagining what “different” might look like and how you do want things to be! Coachable people have a specific, positive goal or vision in mind, from a short-term project to a big picture.

Are you future-oriented?

Coachable people are ready to move forward. They may learn from the past and take lessons from the present, but they do not allow themselves to wallow in the existing story. They aren’t so much trying to figure out why things went wrong or how they got here as they are trying to build a new future.

Are you open to change and growth–quite possibly beyond your comfort zone?

Coaching is about creating change. Getting what you want and crafting the life you envision requires change, sometimes quite a lot of it. Change leads to growth; growth leads to transformation. Change can be scary. You must be open to it to benefit from coaching. If you aren’t truly interested in change, then coaching isn’t for you.

Are you open to honest feedback?

Can you learn and grow from feedback? In the process of coaching, you’ll get honest feedback, sometimes from the coach, sometimes from other people, and often from yourself as you plunge the depths of your own knowledge and wisdom. Criticism stings (and we can be very hard on ourselves), but constructive feedback can shape your path in a positive way. Can you handle feedback, accept it, and move forward in wisdom?

Are you ready to work?

Coaching can open doors, create opportunities, and help you chart your path. No one can walk that path but you, and it requires taking action. The work may be spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, or all of these things. If you are passive and expect change to come to you, then you won’t get much out of coaching. If you expect that the mere fact that you are being coached will change everything, you will be disappointed. If you don’t put in the effort, you won’t see the reward. You should be ready for change, and you should be ready to make it happen.

Are you focused on something within your control?

A key to coaching is to be sure that you are focused on something within your control to do something about. You cannot change things like time, the laws of physics, and other people. People waste a lot of energy trying to change or influence things they can’t control (for instance, how someone else treats them). If you focus on yourself and your own thoughts, feelings, and actions, you will be able to make real change in a significant way. Through coaching and vision work, you can then imagine and notice how your individual changes might have ripple effects in those around you and the world at large.

Are you ready to invest time, energy, and money in coaching to get results?

Creating the future you want takes effort and work. It also takes time, thought, energy, and, yes, money. Coaching can be a valuable tool to help you get what you want, but it will only work if you feel your goals are worth the investment. Studies are showing that the return on investment for coaching (in business) is three to seven times the dollar amount spent. Instead of looking at coaching as an added cost burden or luxury expense (as many do), look at your goals and your life and ask this: “Am I worth it?” Coaching is an investment in yourself.

You may not be a good candidate for coaching if one or more of the following is true for you.

• You’re looking for a quick fix or easy answers
• You just want to complain or get validation for what you’re already doing (even if you’re taking no action at all)
• You tend to avoid taking responsibility (“It’s not my fault!”), pointing a finger of blame at other people and things
• You don’t really want to change
• You’re focused on things that aren’t within your control (other people’s behavior and actions)

If you’re willing to let go of these things, you might be ready for coaching.

Tomorrow: Laura’s Path to Coaching and Her Approach

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Day 4: How Do People Use Coaching?

People can seek coaching for support in nearly every aspect of their lives. A general “life coach” or “business coach” may help a client focus on many or all aspects life or business. In a sports metaphor, a head coach, someone who oversees all aspects of the game and team, is like a life coach.

Many coaches have a specialty, or niche, and focus on helping certain kinds of people (e.g., executives, entrepreneurs, speakers, direct sellers) or address certain aspects of life (e.g., relationships, life balance, communication). A specialist coach still connects to the whole client and doesn’t work totally in isolation on one particular area. In a sports metaphor again, a specialist coach might be someone who works with basketball players only on their free throws, or a putting coach for golfers.

Clients may come to coaches with the desire to create change in one or more of the following focus areas (and many others!):

• Career advancement
• Career change and job seeking
• Life balance
• Management and executive skills
• Starting or growing a business (including marketing)
• Time management/productivity
• ADD support
• Improve communication (including presentation and professional speaking)
• Organization
• Relationships (including parenting)
• Self-esteem and self-confidence
• Handling a specific issue
• Problem solving
• Financial planning
• Spiritual growth
• Health and wellness

I’ve you’re consider hiring a coach, but are not sure what to use a coach for, ask yourself these questions: What one aspect of my life could benefit from some coaching? What one area of my life, if I improved it, would improve all the other areas?

A lot of people think that coaching only comes into play for big-picture life or career issues. Did you know that coaching can also be supportive of a single particular project or a short-term goal?

Just about anything you can imagine that has a timeline for completion can benefit from some coaching attention!

• Writing a book
• Creating a business plan
• Developing a workshop or speech
• Training plan for a triathlon
• Losing a set amount of weight
• Starting a club or community group
• Planning a wedding or other large event
• Completing college or graduate school
• Job search
• Work projects, such as creation of an action team or development of a program
• Earning tenure at a university
• Increasing sales in a single quarter
• Marketing planning and implementation

Imagine what might be possible if you had focused support and energy around a single project. What could you achieve?

Tomorrow: Are You Coachable?

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Day 3: The Education of a Coach
Currently, coaching is not a regulated field the way social work, therapy, and counseling are (requiring training and degrees, certification, and even licensure). Anyone can call themselves a coach, and many do so, even if coaching isn’t quite the right term for what they do. There is no required training to be a coach.

The International Coach Federation is a voluntary organization that has established core principles for training, as well as a code of ethics and credentialing levels for coaches. When seeking a professional coach, look for one with at least some training, if not certification and credentialing.
Anyone interested in becoming a coach (or learning how some coaches are trained) should go to the ICF Web site and look for Accredited Coach Training Programs (ACTPs).

To be accredited by the ICF, a coach training program must have a minimum of 125 hours of coach-specific training on the ICF Core Competencies and the ICF Code of Ethics, a minimum of six observed coaching sessions with an experienced coach, and a comprehensive final exam. A tip for clients seeking coaching: look for a coach who has completed some sort of training, preferably an ACTP.
Once a coach has completed an ACTP, he or she becomes eligible for credentialing through the ICF. There are currently three levels of credentials available to coaches: Associate Certified Coach (ACC), Professional Certified Coach (PCC), and Master Certified Coach (MCC).
For the ACC credential, the coach must graduate from the ACTP, have a minimum of 100 coaching hours and at least 8 clients, get letters of reference from experienced coaches, and more. For PCC, the applicant must have graduated from an ACTP, have 750 coaching hours and at least 25 clients, and more. For MCC, the highest level, the coach has 2,500 coaching hours, at least 35 clients, and more.
I completed an ACTP through Erickson College (The Art and Science of Coaching). When I completed modules 1-4, I earned the title of Certified Professional Coach. I then completed module 5 and earned the title Erickson Certified Professional Coach. I maintain professional membership in the ICF, which means (among other things) that I abide by their Code of Ethics. In April 2010 I applied for and was awarded my ACC credential from the International Coach Federation.
There are also accredited continuing coach education units, which help coaches grow in their skills (and are required for higher levels of credentialing). I have taken a course in Coaching Team Thinking and Innovation (from Erickson) as well as Energy Leadership Training from iPEC and am now a Master Practitioner of the Energy Leadership Index assessment. An early commitment I made to my career was to have regular continuing education so that I can grow as a coach and serve my clients with more tools.

Tomorrow: How Do People Use Coaching?

Questions about coach training? Leave a comment or contact me!

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