(Originally published at FemCentral, which is a terrific site you should bookmark and return to often!)

Life balance has become a sort of holy grail in modern times. It’s hard to recognize it when we experience it, but we all know when we’re out of balance. Feeling overwhelmed, extra-stressed, drained, demoralized, and burned out are just some of the feelings that indicate a dramatic unbalance. So what is life balance, and how can we get some?

To start with, life balance is not time management. Life balance is not about fitting everything in, or saying “yes” to everything, or even allotting equal time to different parts of your life (work/family being an obvious example). It’s about knowing when to say “yes” and when to say “no.” This includes taking stock of the things that are important to you and making sure they are priorities in your life. Time and task management do not equal life balance, but they can be tools for helping you maintain it.

Whenever an opportunity comes up–a request to do something, volunteer opportunities, classes, work opportunities, anything at all–you have a choice of saying “yes” or “no.” Many people want to please or help others, like the feeling of being asked, want to feel accomplished or rewarded, or sometimes just feel obligated, so they almost automatically say “yes” to everything. It can be wonderful to experience growth and accomplishment from your commitments. But if you say “yes” to everything, you will very quickly find yourself overwhelmed, which can push you into crisis mode.

Some mindfulness and some intentionality when making commitments or accepting responsibilities offers a lot of clarity. Ask yourself the following questions when any kind of opportunity comes your way:

1. If I say “yes” to this, what else am I saying “yes” to? What am I saying “no” to?
2. If I say “no” to this, what am I saying “yes” to? What else am I saying “no” to?

It can be difficult to remember these yes/no options as things come up, so try asking yourself these questions about something that is already on your plate. You may find that there are more benefits than you thought to something you’ve agreed to; conversely, there may be higher costs associated with a task or responsibility. Don’t be afraid to let go of a responsibility or commitment that is no longer serving you.

I have found that when asking myself these yes/no questions before making a commitment, my values really start to show up. The things that are truly important to me make themselves known, and I can make a much more informed decision. It’s far more profound than just listing pros and cons. If I can see clearly what saying “yes” or “no” does for me on a personal level, then I can either accept joyfully or turn away from it with a sense of peace and wholeness.

Another key concept in life balance is prioritizing the things that are important to you. Steven Covey talks about this in his book First Things First: you don’t just prioritize the schedule, you schedule the priorities. Think about your life and the things that are important to you. If you want to be sure to be there in your roles as wife, mother, friend, healthy person, and spiritual seeker (to name a few of the many roles available to us), then you need to make sure your calendar reflects those commitments. If you believe that family is the most important thing, but your schedule is filled with extra work assignments, lots of networking, and business travel, you will feel the stress and disconnect of not sharing yourself with your family. A calendar review (weekly, monthly, however frequently you like) with your various roles and values in mind can really serve you in creating space in your life for all the things that are important. You can raise your awareness about your wants and needs and make sure that you have committed time to experience them in your life.

As you move forward with these techniques and some mindful intentionality in applying them in your life, you will experience several shifts. Shifts in your thinking will lead to new feelings, which create new actions and new results. You may find that your relationships grow and deepen when you make them a priority. You might stop feeling guilty when you say “no.” And you may end up with far more meaningful opportunities coming your way because you can wisely discern the ones that are right for you.

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Tags: balance, choice, Goals, life balance, priorities, stress, time management, values